You stay classy, Ball Tappers

Well, now that the dust has settled and we ended on the wrong side of the CCSL championship for the first time ever, let's discuss the game. Final scores from the 2 games, 13-10 L, and 9-4 L. Gross. Utterly awful play from the defending champs. I won't say that we deserved to win the 1st game, but neither did they. I'll discuss this in the recap. But here, I would like to draw attention to several 'notes' from the game. The picture on the right was sent to the Mgmt shortly after the win. Always classy, Tap Room. Also, there were many spectators at the game from the Collar, Art Museum, Pencil......and only one person sat on the side of the Tap Room. That was Ron. I assume he thought they had hoagies or Metamucil. So, we have won 5 straight years and everyone was rooting for us???? I find that strange. I guess for my answer, again, please view the picture to the right.


Recaps

We lost the first game 13-10 in a rain delayed (by a week) game. Story of the game, of their 13 runs, at least 7 were unearned. And by unearned, I mean UNEARNED. Not you typical, oh, the infielder made an error on an Edgely 4 ground ball and they scored 1. Nope. Dropped fly balls led to 7 runs. Dropped. Yes, I was 0-3 with a sac fly and sucked. But we did score 10 runs and still should have won that game. The bounces went their way and not ours. This is the nature of the game. Pete catches the diving ball in left field down the line instead of having it pop out and they don't score another 3. Meanwhile, they made 2 spectacular catches to save runs in this game. If it were one game, eh, so what. But it carried over into the second game, which we had no chance in. Again, dropped fly balls and other errors led to 2 out runs for them while Ogre Benson catches an over shoulder fly ball diving backwards to rob at least 1 run. Silly. It's Ogre Benson! Ugh. So disappointed, not with the loss so much, but with the way we lost. That's not the Franklin.....that's not even Mexico!

The Good

Not a lot of good. In fact very little. Memorial Nick had 5 hits, Mickowitz crushed the ball in both games and happened to be unlucky. We only had to play Benson in one of the games. That's all I got. Shit.

The Bad

Let's see...I'll start with me first, since I am not above reproach. 0-3 in the first game with 4 weakass fly balls in the first game. I don't think we win if get hits there, because of aforementioned errors, but the game is considerably closer, and who knows, maybe I score 2 or 3 times. Different game. I sucked ass. Now, several 2 out errors in the infield. Hurts. Misplayed outfield balls aplenty outside of the 5 dropped fly balls. Our outfield has never played so poorly. Second game was the opposite offensively (but not defensively). I actually hit better but some of the people who hit well in the first game didn't. Way to click at the same time, team. Inconsistency. Ugh, so frustrating. Scored 4 runs. And our 2 and 3 hitters scored them all. On a slick field. Just terrible. Sigh. Oh, and this was Blonde Benson's (pictured right) last game in the CCSL. Sad. He's still a douche though.

The Franklin Mystique

Things were actually looking so bad for the Franklin that Fordo while umping, actually said "who are you going to pop up to next?" to the Mgmt while in the box. That's a dismal outlook. So of course I hit the ball as hard as I could at Benson. That's the best slump buster I know.

Moving on......

So, the first part of this writeup is clearly angry, disappointed, unfunny, and atypical of these things. So, I've said my piece, now we get back to enjoying this league. As I said to Benson last year, when he told me he didn't care about this league (funny that he was screaming like a little girl who just opened her new Barbie Dream House on Xmas morning when they won the Championship), if you don't don't get angry, upset, or frustrated at some times in this league, then you don't care about it that much. I still feel that way. This is my favorite league and I wouldn't trade the losses for anything else. Except maybe a smile on Fordo's face whenever he steps on a softball diamond. Or a game when Pam has laryngitis.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Week

Mickey
Candy
MMN
Ford
Kyle/Jeremy/Nevins
Phyllis' boobs
Kate Beckinsale

Paul Watch

A grainy picture was sent to the Enquirer earlier this month and while initial reports are that it has been photoshopped, we'll still post it here. If you notice in the photo, which appears to be taken at some sort of Forearm Brothel, there is a hulking figure to the right that clearly looks uninterested, boring, and pumped full of creatine. More on this as it develops.

NASDAQ Trade of the Week

We traded runs for errors. We also traded nice, sunny July evenings for fall in London.

CIALIS Boner of the Week

TMTC

Collarblog Syntactical Error of the Week

Has nothing to do with the blog, but Flynn angered the Ogre. I'm sure he's porridge somewhere.

Benedict Pickle's Historical Reference of the Week

On this day in history, July 27th, in the years 2006-2010, The Franklin Institute won 5 consecutive CCSL titles. NEVER FORGET!

Ed's Movie of the Week

The Natural, 1984

Phyllis' Retro Porn Movie of the Week

The Da Vinci Load

Quotes from the Week

"If you have to do a reacharound, that's okay."
Chandra

"I'm so angry I could hit a child."
Brett Favre

"Jeremy's looking good out there, drinking a PBR and not paying attention."
Fordo

"Hope you beat Icky Benson."
Phyllesbian

"I'm game for anything."
La Nice

"We won! I still wish I was taller."
Alvin

"I am getting pink sitting here."
La Nice

"Flynn is like the Unthunder God."
Mgmt

"I'm engaged!"
"Congratulations Buddy! You know they make you take a blood test before you can actually get married?"

"I wish Tina was here."
MMN

"1 too many Marinos, I guess."
Buddy

"Willmarth is like a gazelle out in left field....you know, the kind of gazelle with a broken leg that is unaware a pride of lions is 30 feet away."
"I don't get that reference."
"Shut up, I'm angry."

"That chick over this is hot."
"Which one, Carol?"
"No the other one."
"Tan Carol?"
No, the other one."
"That's Jeremy."
"Yeah."

"We may have to call an ambulance, Benson put the trophy all the way up."
"It's gone to us now."

"For once, I'm glad I'm in Long Island."
Vellia

"No way I'm putting these fucking banners up in the rain."
Fordo

"I'm glad I don't play in this league. It gives me more time to work on my hobbies."
Whiskey Frank

Kyle's Koaching Korner

The following was overheard after one of the playoff games, probably by one of the league's shortstops:

Fuckin' check me out! I pelted a dude in the back of the neck tonight!

You know what bunches up my jock strap?! When those fuckin' batters hit a groundball to my right, and instead of squaring up behind it to let it bounce off my chest in case I miss it, I backhand it since you know, I'm a fuckin' first-ballot CCSL All-Star, and it trickles into the Outfield. And then those fuckin' runners have the audacity to turn the corner at first and just gaze at me, like they've never seen my stunning good looks before or the 3 chest hairs sticking out of my collar. Did that runner just blow a kiss at me?! They're fuckin' goadin' me into heaving the ball over at them, 'trying' not to hit them in the neck.

Yeah so what if I'm standing on second base as I throw it and they have nowhere to run. Or that my first baseman has no clue that I'm about to unleash a 40 mph rocket in his direction.

He should pay attention to me more often. I was an Honorable Mention for 4th Team all Little League 20 years ago! I can almost do a one-arm pushup now! I hardly ever need a chaser after downing a Mimosa!

Maybe I'll peg it at that first baseman's face if he's not looking my way. The softball won't just leave a mark on his face, it'll leave a fuckin' memory that you don't break eye-contact with your fellow infielders unless told to do so!

Either way, I'm hittin' someone above the shoulders!

Now who wants to buy me a Fuzzy Navel?!

At the Koaching Korner, we've never seen a play where a throw back to first base actually results in an out. Usually the ball is mishandled by an unsuspecting first baseman, is thrown away, or is simply caught with the runner already standing on the base.

Next time someone 'gazes' at you, just wait for time-out to be called or give him your secret signal letting him know that you'll meet him in the Men's bathroom at the Collar afterwards, and get on with the game.

Crap Room Recap

Meh. I know I've started out these recaps with meh. before. But seriously, is there a word that best describes that feeling? I think it'll always be meh. It's the same feeling Buddy must get every time he wakes up. Meh. Oh, and this photo to the right is one of very few that I ever get sent of people actually in the stupid league. Meh.

Recap

So, we lost. Our worst lost of the season. 14-9 I believe it was. Edgely 8. My memory of much of it is hazy after a week. But here's what I remember. It was a back and forth game for the first couple of innings, not so much in terms of score, but more in the scoring. They would get 2. We would get 1, they would get 3, we would get 2. The difference I feel, and MMN felt differently, was that they got scoring up and down the lineup while we didn't get any runs, and few hits, from 6-10. And I think that was the difference through the first 5 innings when they held 2 or 3. I think it was 9-7. Something like that. Then, the Taproom Ogre hit a 3 run homerun in the 6th to extend the lead to 7 and that was that. Franklin mounted a comeback in the bottom of the 7th to cut it to 5 but it was too late. Luckily we still hold the tie breaker against them, but it likely won't matter and we'll either be the 3rd or 4th seed. Meh.

The Good

Played well all around but not good enough to win on that day. First 3 hitters were 6-6 with 6 runs scored after 2 at bats a piece. The problem was that it took 4 innings to get those 2 at bats. Also, the bottom of the lineup produced in the bottom of the 7th with 3 straight hits to turn it over with no outs. You could see the veins popping on Alvin and the Taproom's forehead.

The Bad

Defense was generally good with a couple of miscues. But, it's slow pitch softball. The think the problem was that usually, we play around our errors and we rarely pay for them. However, on that night, every error turned into a run and then our defense had to start pressing. So we made a couple more with people trying to do too much. Also, we are currently 2-2 on games which involve Benson fights. That guy needs some Midol. Also, their 2-hitter specifically targeted Pell with a linedrive. He may have been Jewish I guess.

The Franklin Mystique

After their obvious lack of sportsmanship, the Taproom was rewarded by the softball gods by having Fishtown Benson's keys get locked in his car. Karma is a word that is thrown around so cavalierly these days so I won't use it. Instead, i'll point to the notion that the Taproom is -10 in run differential against the Forcs when Willmarth is there. Boom Math!

The Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Week

One-legged Pell
Anybody?
Bueller?

Paul Watch

Following the arrival of the Taproom Ogre, the Paul came out of the treeline to nervously observe the much larger predator. Once an apex carnivore in his own right, the obviously timid Paul became much more self-aware. The once prominent biceps seemed a little smaller, the neck, a little more apparent, and the sleeves almost seemed to hang slightly past the shoulder. After he had taken his fill of the scene, the Paul slowly withdrew into the shadows of the trees like a memory of something not wholly forgotten, a crude outline of the distant past.

NASDAQ Trade of the Week

Can I trade in this awful segment for once that doesn't get a Billy Joel song into my head every week?

CIALIS Boner of the Week

Black Marino, where the fuck are you going?

Collarblog Syntactical Error of the Week

None, Flynn changes that "blog" less than I change the real one.

Benedict Pickle's Historical Reference of the Week

June 28th, 1940 The tomato is proven non-poisonous. This brings up the age-old question, "how many minorities do you have to kill with a vegetable until it's considered non-poisonous?"

Ed's Movie of the Week

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, 1998

Phyllis' Retro Porn Movie of the Week

Romancing the Bone, 1984

Management's Scientific Explanation of the Week

How are fossils made? Good question, Bobby. Fossils are a product of luck. They require special circumstances in order for the remains to survive. And when I say remains, it's actually a bit of a misnomer, as a fossil contains negligible amounts of the animal which is now mirrors. Fossils animals can be found frozen, imbedded in tree amber, or preserved in substances such as tar. But the traditional fossil found in rock occurs like so. An animal dies, usually, it dies near a source of water such as a river basin, the bottom of a lake, etc. The reason for this is that the fossil requires rapid (within days to months) sedimentation upon it. This is necessary since predators, erosion, etc. are likely to disturb the fossil remains or destroy the bone before it has a chance to be embedded in rock and fossilize. Fossils are often covered by extreme events like mudslides, volcanic ash, and flooding that cover the remains and prevent them from being eroded. Over time, more layers of sediment are deposited upon them, all the while the flesh, hair, and degradeable materials are eaten away by bacteria within the sediment. The bone is slowly replaced by calcified minerals such that when the bone is uncovered later by erosion, digging, etc. the bone is actually mostly gone and what you're left with is an imprint of that the bones looked like and how they were arranged.
The more you know.


Quotes from the Week

"Hey Frank, you look like shit!"
Julio

"Still waiting for Kyle's Koaching Korner."
Everyone

"I love the Black Widow! And you can quote me on that!"
MMN, and I did

"Did the quesadilla work?"
MMN

"The torch has been passed."
Chandra about Pell

"Pell, we may have to take the leg."
Mickey

"Would you like my whole pickle?"
"Yes, I would."
Buddy and Pell

"Nice lego Batman!"
Kyle Jacobs

"Blah!"
Pam

"How the fuck did you lose to the Taproom? They're awful."
December Ford

"Ogre smash!"
Ogre

"Haha Nick! You made an error!"
Benson

"That's not my power alley, Benson."
Managment

"I am 0 for my last 30."
Verne

Your 2011 CCSL Calendar

January Donny Money

February Matty Matty Matty

March Mickey Mickelberg

Smarch Zen Master Jeremy

April Whiskey Frank

May Ponytail Ken

June Buddy

July Nevins

August Verne

September Marcus

October MMN

November Management

December Ford