Fuckin' check me out! I pelted a dude in the back of the neck tonight!
You know what bunches up my jock strap?! When those fuckin' batters hit a groundball to my right, and instead of squaring up behind it to let it bounce off my chest in case I miss it, I backhand it since you know, I'm a fuckin' first-ballot CCSL All-Star, and it trickles into the Outfield. And then those fuckin' runners have the audacity to turn the corner at first and just gaze at me, like they've never seen my stunning good looks before or the 3 chest hairs sticking out of my collar. Did that runner just blow a kiss at me?! They're fuckin' goadin' me into heaving the ball over at them, 'trying' not to hit them in the neck.
Yeah so what if I'm standing on second base as I throw it and they have nowhere to run. Or that my first baseman has no clue that I'm about to unleash a 40 mph rocket in his direction.
He should pay attention to me more often. I was an Honorable Mention for 4th Team all Little League 20 years ago! I can almost do a one-arm pushup now! I hardly ever need a chaser after downing a Mimosa!
Maybe I'll peg it at that first baseman's face if he's not looking my way. The softball won't just leave a mark on his face, it'll leave a fuckin' memory that you don't break eye-contact with your fellow infielders unless told to do so!
Either way, I'm hittin' someone above the shoulders!
Now who wants to buy me a Fuzzy Navel?!
At the Koaching Korner, we've never seen a play where a throw back to first base actually results in an out. Usually the ball is mishandled by an unsuspecting first baseman, is thrown away, or is simply caught with the runner already standing on the base.
Next time someone 'gazes' at you, just wait for time-out to be called or give him your secret signal letting him know that you'll meet him in the Men's bathroom at the Collar afterwards, and get on with the game.
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