Nvma: the case for Phyllis Rabbit

NVMA: The case for Buddy

On why she voted for Buddy,

"for loss of bowel control alone. Anybody who doesn't think he should win should try living with him."

Mary

Collar Part II

Holy crap, why do we have to play teams 3 times in a row? It's ridiculous. I don't even remember what the Tap Room looked like. Oh, right, losers.

So, we lost. In the playoffs (Nick?). But we have to say, all things considered, we played pretty well. It took the Collar to hit about .750 to beat us. And we nearly pulled it out in the end. 10-8. However, it was 8-1 Collar in the 4th. Again, they scored 2 runs down the stretch when we scored 7. Take the 1st inning out and we win 8-5. But we can't. So we have to look onward to game 3. Hasn't been a Game 3 since I've been in the league. All bets are off. This will be for blood!

Recap

Collar scored 5 in the first on ZERO errors. That's some really good hitting out of them. But as usual, they couldn't keep it up for the whole game. Scattering 5 runs over the next 6 innings. Our top of the first was the tale of the game and why we lost. Very unlucky. Matt P. lines a seed that JW leaps and robs at 3rd base. Very unlucky. Adam lines sharply to an outfielder who makes a nice play. 2 outs, nobody on. Nick and the Management get their hits before Pete lines out sharply to right. 2 hits. 3 linedrive outs. No runs. Story of the game. Collar got some nice placement and some lucky breaks. We didn't. We got the intensity up later in the game and you could see that the Collar thought it was all slipping away. 10-8. Top 7. Same thing. Matty lines out. Adam grounds out. Nick gets a hit. Management grounds out. Sometimes the breaks get you. On to Game 3!

The Good

Memorial Nick showed us what he could do going 4-4 on 4 hard hit ground balls. That's how you get on base, Kids. Defense was good overall. Jason and Buddy had a hit apiece. Pete had a couple of hits. Alice gave up 2 runs in 3 innings. Adam saved several hits at 1st base. Overall, a well played game by us. Just didn't get the runs in the 1st inning that we needed. Or the 7th. Those two innings, we get 3 an inning like we should and its a laugher.

The Bad

Not a lot that was bad. Nothing went our way. The Management made a retarded mental error that gave them a run. And we may or may not have given them one more run on an overthrow, but they hit the ball very well. Also let some balls go over our heads for some reason. But, Mike won't be there Monday Pete. So he can't do it for the 6th time. Oh and Jake ran on Memorial Nick. Where do you think you're going Jake? Oh, right, to 3rd. That sucked balls.

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly)

And this week's FM goes to Phyllis Rabbit's shins which were touched up nicely by Memorial Nick. Put a glove on those shins, Ms. Rabbit, there's more where that came from.

Drunk Words of Encouragement

"I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted from being up all night drinking."

Lumber Liquidators Studs of the Week

Alice, for not throwing strikes

Memorial Nick, 4 hits

Jason and Buddward, hits

Chandra, sac fly with bases loaded

Paul Watch

During the loss to the Collar, a small, malnourished child approached Memorial Nick in centerfield. Play was stopped briefly as the child whispered, "I have a secret. Would you like to know my secret?" Memorial Nick thought for a second then nodded yes. "I see Paul People." Stunned and looking around nervously, Memorial Nick then asked the small girl, "When did you see The Paul?" The girl responded without blinking, "all the time." The small girl then slowly walked away from the ballfield humming a nursery rhyme, "Ring around the rosey....." The Management walked over to Memorial Nick following the exchange to ask what she said and found Memorial Nick profusely sweating and sobbing.

Quotes from the game

"I'm good for hits 68.2% of the time."

Timmeh!

"You have my everything!"

"Oh, Fuck my ass!"

Buddy then Mary

"Pickle, have you ever played a female part?"

"Nope."

"That's what I thought."

Management and Brian McPickleberg

"No one will believe I'm not Bob Ford."

Fordo Baggins

"I'm not Bob Ford."

Sikorski

"I'm not going anywhere! Except possibly jail."

Memorial Nick

"My uncle loves you and Nick and can't wait for the aftermath of Monday's game."

Jake "run all day on Nick" Schulz

"Pete, why are you playing me there?"

Mike before homering to left

"Derm, why are you playing me there?"

Mike before homering to right

"At water park, with the any scouts. Lots of hot broads working their huge fun bags!"

Chris Marino, about what I have no fucking clue

"Yay we won! Yay!"

Phyllis Rabbit, before lip-mauling LaNice

"At least we're not Benson."

Mickowitz

"My name's Robby and I have a huge grin on my face cause we're winning this game. I also molest collies."

Unknown

NVMA: The case for Nick Part II

Where's the beer?

And here we are. One win away from a 5th straight championship. It doesn't seem to get any easier, but we are almost there. Can I get anyone a beer? The recap from Game 1:A back and forth game with our old rivals, the Collars de Bishopitos. Final score, 9-7. We started off a little shaky, giving up 5 (mostly unearned runs) in the Top of the 1st inning, only to come right back and pick up 4 quick runs in the bottom of the inning. After holding them in the 2nd, we had the opportunity to take the lead in the bottom half of the inning and we took it, 6-5. The Collar tied it in the Top of the 3rd, and we took the lead right back in the Bottom of that very same inning. We let them tie it again in the Top of the 4th, and we scored another run in the Bottom of that inning to take the lead right back. That was all the scoring they would have for the rest of the game. We scored two (should have been at least 4) in the Bottom of the 5th, and that was all she wrote for Game 1 of the Championship series. There is a lot of good that comes from this game.

The Good

After starting off shaky, and not helping our rookie pitcher in the field, we tightened up for the most part on defense and held the Collar of Bishop to two runs over the last six innings of the game. We also had some production out of the top of the lineup, which has not been the case over the last month or so. We cannot stop there though, we need more run production out of the top, the middle and the bottom. As it has been said many times before, we have the ability to score copious amounts of runs on anyone, and we should be doing that. We also have a much better defense then was shown in the Top of the 1st inning, and we know this. We shook off whatever nerves any of us had, drank some extra cold PBR and played some F'ing softball. Adam had 1.75 homeruns. Nick had some good hits. Alice played a mean defensive pitcher. Matty made most of the game! Yay Matty! And everyone played overall okay to well. Good enough to win on Monday. Let's see if it is on Tuesday.

The Bad

Basecoaching and baserunning was very poor. Cost us easily 2 runs but more likely a few more. That's the difference in a 9-7 game and a 13-7 game. The first happened to the 2010 Nick Ventrola Memorial Award winner who had a lapse of judgement because he was sidetracked by a scampering Derm scoring on a shallow sac fly to right from third. The 2010 NVMA winner failed to alert Kyle (who is a high school baseball coach, and apparently a very good one) that the throw got through the catcher and should have advanced to 2nd. No damage done there because the 3rd out of that inning happened with the next batter. The second happened while Kyle was coaching 3rd. Adam was sent home with nobody out and with potential for a big inning only to get hosed by 15 feet at the plate. We have to keep our focus for the remainder of this series in all aspects, including basecoaching. Remember to be smart tonight. Know the situation and the outs. No mistakes tonight. We're so close.

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly)

Ed Wagner, who bought 7 cases of PBR pounders at the start of the playoffs (Nick?) and kept them in his garage, left for Yellowstone Friday. Where are the cases of beer now you ask? The answer is still in his garage. At least we have plenty of beer for the Fan Appreciation Game in a couple of weeks. Or did he bring them to Yellowstone? Or did he take them to China? I guess we will find out soon. Or not.

Drunk Words of Encouragement

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

Hunter S. Thompson

Cialis Boner of the Week

Ed Wagner, for leaving 7 cases of beer in his garage, away from the teamBenson, again.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Game

PitcherAlice, 1-0 in her first start pitching

Willmarth's wife, Nicole, for putting up with Willmarth

Fordo Baggins, for hitting on Phyllis, La Nice, and Leah while umpiring.

Paul Watch

Paul's clothing was so large they had to use wagon wheels for buttons. They used a lumber wagon drawn by a team of oxen as a baby carriage. When he outgrew this his parents put him on a raft off the coast of Maine. It is said that rocking in his sleep he caused huge waves which sunk many ships. He would eat forty bowls of porridge just to whet his appetite. As a child, Paul played with an axe and crosscut saw like other children played with toys. On his first birthday his father gave him a pet blue ox named Babe. Babe grew to be seven axehandles and a plug of tobacco wide between the eyes and as a snack would eat thirty bales of hay...wire and all. Paul's arms and Babe were so large, the tracks they made galivanting around Minnesota filled up and made the 10,000 lakes.

Quotes from the Game(s):

"Why did I pay some meathead to break in my bat when we had a meathead here who could do it?"Phyllis referring to the Management

"1 out batter." "You know batter has a name.""1 out batter."

Exchange between Fordo and the 2010 NVMA winner

"I would have thought Old Faithful was more impressive then this!"

Ed

"Good call, Red!"

Management

"Here come's the ball. I got it, no I dont, yes I do, no I dont, yes I do, I wonder what the stuff on the inside of a twinkie is made out of? Oh, and what was up in that rerun of Murphy Brown I watched last night? Wow, Candace Bergman really looks like a foot sometimes. Did I leave the stove on? Um...no. No I didn't. Oooh, a penny!"

what was going through Pete's mind on the ball he caught that he got turned around on and almost fell over

"KYLE, HOLD HIM AT THIRD! THERE IS NOBODY OUT! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A BASEBALL COACH!"

Management to Kyle

"I smell rain, you should probably call your game and make it up tomorrow night."

Benson

"He didn't even touch him at third."

"I wouldn't touch him either. Noone knows where he's been!"

Random Frankliner and Derm

"GRUNT!"

PitcherAlice

"Bob looks like Mr. Magoo joined the Communist party."

Pickle

"Somebody break the fuck into Ed's garage already!"

Mickowitz

"That's my wife out there!"

Petie

"I wish my boyfriend was still playing in this league."

Nicole Willmarth

"Put a glove on that glove!"

Management to the Management after booting a ball

"Enjoy Sikorski!"

Fordo

"Where in the holy hell am I?"

Tucker

First blood is drawn. The case for Nick Ventrola. Part 1.

Remember to vote for the 2010 Nick Ventrola Memorial Award Winner

Here are the nominees:



Edward Wagner 1943-2012, Commissioner CCSL







Pamela Hummer Hill's dog, Poopyface Vaginanose







2009 NVMA winner, Charles 'Buddy' Muhler








The Late Memorial Nicholas Ventrola









CCSL Social Chair Phyllis Demo

Weird texts

Certainly NOT any of the following:
Buddy, erections, not throwing up, Rip Torn, Laniece's first time, The Flavor Savor, milk, fudge, dreamy blue eyes, or Mustache Rides.

NVMA! Support from the team.

Anonymous email:

"I'm voting for Nick on this one. I see that this is a very highly sought after award, and in just my first season with the Force, I can tell this is aptly named. Nick meets the minimum requirements for this award before Ed even arrives with the coolers of beer. In the little game of 'knock over the beer,' Nick makes alcohol abuse work on two levels. He needlessly instructs the infield on what to do and throws his body around on the field. I can only imagine if there were a keg allowed in centerfield the results of the ensuing mayhem given what I know of Nick after PBR pounders. Oh and screech."

Finals!.....of the Playoffs!

And here we are, peeples, exactly where we thought we'd be. However, we didn't think we'd be the home team

playing the Collar. Congratulations to the Collar. Now they have to play the big dog.

Day 1

Recap of the final game

against the Fart Museum. Well, on Monday night, the Farties jumped out to a 4-0 lead. They hammered the ball. Had about 8 hits, and should have scored more than 4 runs in the top of the 1stexcept for the amazing catch by Pete that led to the double play to end the inning, stranding runners on the corners. Disaster averted. After that, it was all Forcs and rain. A bizarre evening. The Forcs scored 2 in the bottom of the 1st, and then 4 in the 3rd. The Farties got one hit in those two innings as Injurygraham, correcting a technical glitch in her pitching mowed down the lineup on the strength of a motivated infield defense. With rain looming in the middle of the 4th and the Farties going down in order again, a break in the action was proposed and both teams ran off to shelter and beer. During the rainstorm several odd things happened. 1st, Fart Museum females danced around in the rain much to the delight of everyone there (except Pickle), 2nd Ed Wagner trotted across the field to the SPTR/Collar game instead of a) driving or b)bringing his cell phone. He also got the scorebook wet. Then, an unnamed Tap Room outfielder, let's call him John B. Wait, that's too obvious, let's call him J. Benson informed us that their game was cancelled. So we cancelled our and the Farties could not have left the field faster. 30 minutes later, the rain stopped and the SPTR/Collar game resume. WTF! So we had to suspend our game and pick up the next day. Remaining Forcs went over to the SPTR/Collar game and watched the SPTR fail to make the finals for the second time in 3 years. Yikes.

Day 2

With the score 6-4 in the bottom of the 4th, The Forcs went down in order. Followed immediately by 9 straight outs by the Farties. The Forcs added 3 more runs for good measure and won by a final of 9-4, not needing our final ABs. The Farties had one baserunner from the 2nd inning on. In softball. In slow pitch softball. In coed slow pitch softball. Woof.

The Good

Pete, 2-3. Matty, 1-1, Chris 2-3. Chandra nearly perfect for 6 innings. We won the game and get to go to the finals. Yay! Infield defense, amazing. Outfield defense hit their cuts and made all the plays. The Management was quite impressed.

The Bad

Rain suspended game was brutal and The Management took it out on his liver. The hitting was spotty. We lacked a consistent offense attack and needed errors and bleeders to get the 9 runs. This must improve for Monday against the Collar. 9 runs is not going to win that game. Chris got thrown out at the plate with 2 outs by about 20 feet. That was terrible. Also partially The Management's fault. But really, the game was well played by the Forcs except for the absence of the powerful innings that has been so typical of us in years past.

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly)

In another shameless attempt to bribe Fordo Baggins, Fart Museum captain Ray Solis tried offering him an evening with one of the lovely ladies from the Museum. When Barb and others refused to be used like that, Ray resorted to offering up Darryl. Fordo thought for a minute, then refused the offer saying, "If it ain't Phyllis, I ain't listening." CCSL sexual harrassment officials are looking into the incident.

Drunk Words of Encouragement

"I saved Latin! What did you ever do?"

-Rushmore, and really, what have you ever done?

Cialis Boner of the Week

Benson, just Benson

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Game

Chandra, 7 innings 4 runs

Mickowitz, flawless 3rd

Pete and Chris, big RBI hits with 2 outs, twice!

Paul Watch

With the news outlets feverishly hurrying to get a shot of the Paul and trucks and media crews huddled around his hole, The Paul emerged for a brief moment to survey the scene. He looked around and finally looked down and saw the shadow of two large sleeveless forearms. Minutes later, he vanished back into the hole probably to resume writing wedding invitations. Local headlines later that day ran the story, "The Paul Emerges, Sees Shadow, Only 6 More Weeks of Beach Workouts."

Quotes from the Game(s)

"Wait for it! Wait for it! Wait for it!"

Buddy, seconds before ripping ass on Memorial Nick's jersey

"Tighten up that cup, Buddy, you're gonna need it!"

La Nice

"I'm sorry, the word 'snatch' just makes me laugh."

Mrs. Buddy

"You got my sloppy hand seconds."

Pickle

"They let him play because there is a ball stuck to your face."

I have no idea

"If Buddy was made of ribs, would you eat him? I know I would. I'd smother him up in relish and brown mustard. He'd be delicious."

Harry Carey

"Your team is so mean. You keep hitting balls at Barb."

Fordo

"Then I put it in my mouth, and everybody's happy!"

Pat

"That's the maximum you can stack on a cart."

Ed

"Really? Really? Really?"

Previous Nick

"Pam, yours is the Buddy of dogs."

Management

"I'm not relevant to this game in anyway."

Nevins

"6-12! 6-12!"

Fordo, at Edgely 8, four hours after the game, alone in the dark

"Why can't you play short like that on our other team?"

"Cause that's Benson's team, and I don't like him to win."

Willmarth to the Management

"I think I was safe."

"You probably also think dogs can't look up."

Chris Marino and Memorial Nick

"Candy owns me!"

Memorial Nick

"I wouldn't get anything from the water cooler. It smells like kids in there. I'm not saying that they peed in it. But I'm also not saying that they didn't."

Random dude

"All Buddy does is grow hair and fart."

Pickle (also applies to Ed)

Long awaited

That's right, the long awaited post and postseason is upon us. Postseason? And as has been true for the past 2 weeks, we play the Fart Museum...again. So, let us first recap last week's game and then we'll move on to more pressing matters.

We won last Tuesday 14-7 but it was never that close. Due to strange and ill-advised position shifts, the Farties turned their last regular season game into a laugher. Their shortstop played left, their left fielder played short and second, their pitcher batted 3rd and Ray didn't play. A very odd way to get ready for the post season. Very odd indeed. But in the end, 14-7 with a lot LOT of shit talking coming our way from them. Let us move on.

The Good
We hit very well. A good prep game for the postseason. Everyone played and everyone played well. The Management was pleased with the playoff (didn't think I'd say it, did you Nick?) intensity. Adam played through his vaginal tuberculosis, Pickle found a bat that he could swing, Vellia wasn't there. It was good. All was right.

The Bad
Weird weird game. Lots of shit flying like the feces at the cages where Ray probably works. That's right, Ray, I made a chimpanzee joke. Berta hit aforementioned coach with her bat. Hilarious. Chris Marino buzzed the tower needlessly despite all infield advice to the contrary. This happens too much on our team, true believers. (that was a Stan Lee reference, kids) The Management made another error and was tackled by 3rd baseman Mickowitz. Will have to shore that up tonight.

The Franklin Mystique
Ray was too scared to play. Need I say more? Okay, I will. Scared that he would give away 'more secrets' The Pirated One kept himself out of his final tuneup and batted a girl 3rd in order to 'get inside the head' of the Franklin. Did it work? Doubtful. Will it help them tonight? Remains to be seen. I heard however, that a case of Pedro Alvarez signed baseballs was delivered to Fordo Baggins over the weekend. Perhaps that will sway his cause. (That's a Pirates' joke, friends)

Drunk Words of Encouragement
"Homer, you're dumber than a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride I suggest you take it!"
Abe Simpson, insert your name where it says Homer

Cialis Boner of the Week
Ed showing up at 6:30 with the beer. Buddy said he also had an erection. The Management took his word for it.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Game
The Salty Vegetable, 3 hits
Micky McMicklestein, 4 hits
Berta, bat throwing/animosity
Ray, lineup

Paul Watch
In the waning light of a 14-7 game, onlookers, bored as all crap, looked into the sky where they were used to seeing helicopters, planes, and other radio-controlled annoying pieces of crap, and saw none other than The Paul, flying around with his bicep skin extended, much like the flying squirrels of South America. Paul dazzled the crowd with his aerial acrobatics for 15 minutes before landing atop a telephone pole to do 2200 arm curls. Said one witness, "I thought flying creatures had to have hollow bones in order to fly like that?" Responding to the question, nearby biologist Stephen J Ratbone said, "true true, but with all the HGH and steroids that the Paul has consumed over the past 10 years, it's likely that his once hard bone enamel is now replaced with a thin tissue, much like fiber insulation." In a related story, it has been reported that the Paul may not have been there on Tuesday night at all, but that Ray Solis slipped some LSD into the Pabst Blue Ribbon water at the brewery. More on that as more information becomes available.

Quotes From the Game (or close to it)

"Take that, Ray!"
Berta

"Don't worry, next week you'll have Bob Ford"
"If we had him last week, we would have won."
Ray and The Management (proudly)

"Should have used the backhand"
Art shortstop
"Someone check that girl's ID."
Management to shortstop/applies to Vellia as well

"screeeeeeeech1!!!!!!!!"
Memorial Nick solidifying this year's Nick Ventrola Memorial Award

"HGH!"
awesome

"Do you think Phyllis would sign my boobs?"
Ed

"I had 3 hits today despite the vinegar!"
Pickle

"I showed up late, whenever I feel like it, cause my name's Tucker v. Tuckerson."
anonymous

"You're this team's Pam."
Ray

Actions from around the league.

My facebook page. Tuesday night.
How does that make you feel team?

You are welcome.

It was a hard fought, defensive struggle. There were some strong kicks, but even stronger plays in the field. Rolling was on display like you wouldn't believe, and the Championship game was decided by the only goal either team scored. Oh wait, wrong blog...

The sun was angry that day my friends. With our fates and destiny in our own hands, we failed to lock up the #1 seed for the playoffs (Nick?). Sigh. Not much good came from Tuesday night, July 6th, 2010. There was abuse on so many levels - PBR Pounders, the bodies of all the players and fans that played in the heat, the rule book. Now it is up to the Zoo to beat the Taproom on the last day of the season and for us to split the season series with Art Museum to have the #1 seed back! Not good, not good at all.

The Good

Phyllis and Laniece showed up to root on the Force. That's good! The Art Museum director came to the game, and left early because of a 5-1 Force beat down early on in the game. That's good! We showed the capability to score runs and get up on the Art Museum big, like in the neighborhood of 11-4. That's good! The bad to follow...

We can take away from the fact that we humbled ourselves prior to the playoffs (Nick?). We also learned the taste of defeat and, my friends, it doesn't taste very good. Remember it. Don't ever forget it. And then, when we've won our 5th straight, we can look back at it and giggle. Yes, we will be drinking then too. So, do you know what we did friends? We put the Arties in the playoffs (Nick) which means that if they beat us again (unlikely) we have to play them in the 1st round for 3 straight weeks. I'm not exactly sure they want that. A highly motivated Forcs team that will not be an easy 1st round draw. And if we win next Tuesday (likely) we either will play them or the Touch. The Management will be chomping at the bit for either team.

The Bad

Where to begin? So much was bad about this game. Our defense was very bad, specifically from the middle of the field (excluding Alice and Courtney and including Tim who showed evidence of Tim Marino circa 2040 in right field). We played uncharacteristically bad, I mean real bad defense pretty much all game long! Not the Force that we have been for the past 4 years (hear that Willmarth, 4 years!) The 3 and 4 hitters, whom had a combined 5 errors went 4 for 8 at the plate - AWFUL! I blame the schools! We can't say anymore. So angry...so very angry!

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly)

Wiggs is the sole proprietor of this category this week! What an outstanding running catch he made into foul territory in the 6th inning, only to celebrate his achievement like he just landed a part in The Little Rascals Go to Broadway (sorry Mickey) and allow the base runner to advance from 1st to 2nd. That's mystique! And oh yeah, three horrific calls that went in favor of the Griffons! Terrible! So angry...so very angry!

Drunk Words of Encouragement:

We can't take very much from this hiccup game. What we can hiccup do is move on as quickly as possible hiccup and not make the same mistakes hiccup in the coming weeks as we did this week. We need to re-Focus and hiccup play softball the way that we play softball! We play hiccup like a champion for the rest of hiccup season! Drunk! hiccup

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Week

Tucker

Chris Marino

Renardo

Vellia
Bill Martin

The Cialis Boners of the Week

The Management - 2 errors, double play

2010 Nick Ventrola Memorial Award winner - for pooping the bed and then rolling around in it

Derm - for getting doubled off 1st with nobody out late in the game (and on his birthday)

Paul Watch
Members of the Art Mueum tried to get a "Steroid" chant started during the 6th inning, because they thought they had seen a sleeved, taller version of The Paul behind 2nd base after blown call #3, but it was just the 2010 Nick Ventrola Memorial Award winner, who was flattered that he was honored and horrified all at once! Having realized their mistake, the members of the Art Museum felt a little silly and laughed at the puny outfielder for the remainder of the game.

In baseball news, rumor has it that the Mariners canceled the trade with the Phils which would have sent Raul Ibanez back to the Northwest with a player to be named later in exchange for Chone Figgins because the Phillies refused to name The Paul as the player to be named later. Jayson Stark reported that the Phillies refused to name the Paul as the player to be named later because they couldn't find him. Benson is still optimistic a deal can get done (thought he'd make an entire week without being mentioned?).

Quotes

"Oh sure, everyone can bat so I can pass out from heat exhaustion before the game starts."

Our Salty Vegetable BP pitcher

"A 5 to 3 game! What are you doing? What are you doing? SECOND BASE! SECOND BASE!"

The Management to the 2010 Nick Ventrola Memorial Award winner as he threw his glove at him

"I think Dairy 2 is just as good a place as any to makeout."

CCSL Social Chair to CCSL Asst. Social Chair

"I think Dairy 2 is just as good a place as any for you two to makeout."

Eduardo Wagner

"It was so much easier calling you out then it was Ryan."

Birthday Derm to an increasingly drunker 2010 Nick Ventrola Memorial Award winner

"Hey Willmarth, I can't hear you with my four championship rings in my ears!"

The Management to Willmarth

"I think the Cherry Street tavern is just as good a place as any to makeout."

CCSL Social Chair to CCSL Asst. Social Chair

"I think Cherry Street tavern is just as good a place as any for you two to makeout."

Eduardo Wagner

"Look how angry he is. Doesn't he know that we're winning?"
"It's now 5-4 dick."
Management to Nadam or Adick, whichever

"It's 105 degrees! I'm not going to the Franklin Art game!"
Fordo

"Thanks for telling me to use an adult bat."
Ed

Tucker's Wyld Ryde! On the Hunt for Paul Vol. II

Returning from my last trip Paulless, I decided to take a different approach - The Internet! As I am not familiar with its ways, I had to enlist the helping hand from my trusty side kick, 6 Flags. As 6 Flags and I sat in front of our Motorola 6809E, we decided to start our search basic. Knowing that Paul used to work at Sweat Gym, we decided to look up the origin of Sweat Gym. To our dismay, it originated in Philadelphia, and we know Paul had to be worlds away. We decided to search then the origins of weight lifting instead, since Paul has such massive guns and we found out that the origins of weightlifting can be traced back to either ancient Egypt and ancient Greece. 6 Flags and I do not spilt up, so we flipped a coin! Heads - Egypt, tails - Greece. Tails it was. Greece! Maybe some wrestling would be involved in this trip! So we set off to the helipad. With 6 Flags as my navigator, seven and a half gallons of bug spray, and enough Kit Kat bars to survive us at least til September 2011, we were off!

We arrived in Athens shortly after 5pm EST on a Wednesday. I need a beer I thought, so we set out for a good early evening PBR. Much to our dismay, the Greeks had no idea what PBR was , so we were forced to settle for some Greek beer. After a few hours of drinking and chatting with the locals, I thought it best to set out on our search. We paid our tab and left the fine establishment. The first group of individuals we walked past on the street I instantly asked if they had seen this man (holding a picture of the long haired, gigantic armed Paul). Cordially, one gentleman said "yes, but it was going to cost us." I pondered why it would cost any money, but didn't want to pry, so I obliged and gave the oldest gentlemen who was doing all of the talking some cash. Awesomely enough, he accepted United Statesian currency! Neat! The directions were very direct, so back in the helicopter we went, headed for Rhodes. When we got there, the directions were to a place where there used to be a giant statue, but that was no more, and further more, no Paul! The older gentlemen was mistaken, and he took our money! Rats! So, dejected, but not totally defeated, we set out for home, with less money in our pockets and only a third of the Kit Kat bars we started with. Glad we could get together - Toodles!

Hoagiefest!

Apparently, there was some softball played on Tuesday night. Who knew? So to recap the events, The Management had half of the buffalo chicken hoagie which was good but not as 'ridiculously hot' as Kyle "I can't hit beer cans" Riley thought. What a puss. The Management also had some of the Italian late and was denied some of the pork hoagie because Brian Willmarth is a dirty bastard who doesn't know how to share. On to the softball. We won both. We won the bottom of the 7th in the suspended game from sometime in February and we also won the nightcap. Oddly, these were our two closest games (along with the tap room) that we've had this year. 10-8 and 7-6. We are 2-0 in 1-run games. Boo-yah! I still hate you Stuart Scott. The bottom of the 7th started with no outs and a 10-6 score with runners on 2nd and 3rd. 1st pitch, single to left. 10-8. Awesome. Good start. Next batter pops a fly ball to left that goes over Ed's glove into a sliding Adam Siebert's webbing. So surprised that he caught it, Adam doesn't realize the runner on 1st is now at 2nd and misses the opportunity to double the hapless Jeff off 1st. 1 out. Next batter singles. Ground out to short. Runners on 1st and 2nd, 2 outs. Next batter singles. Bases loaded, 2 outs, tying run at 2nd, winning run at 1st. The lovely Phyllis Demo, CCSL social chair who is currently vying to be the 1st ever not-Franklin winner of the Nick Ventrola Memorial Awareness Award, up. Knuckling linedrive to short which is absurdly bobbled by the sober shortstop. Flip to 2nd. Game over. Delicious. Second game was a low scoring, sun filled boring game that ended 7-6. The Collar led 6-5 after they hit in the 5th. We had the top of the order coming up. Lead off hitter Marino pops up. Somebody better than Vellia pops up. After a double, Memorial Nick pops up. Franklin fails to score. Things are looking dire. Collar doesn't score in the 6th after some great defense. Pete pops up to start the 6th. The Management goes over to get the ulcer medication and two PBRs. The top 5 hitters, in the most crucial time of the game go 1-5. Not good. But then, like Paul coming out of the forest, the bottom of the lineup comes through. Mickey gets a hit, Ed gets a hit, Candy gets a hit, Tucker gets a hit. Alyssa gets a hit. We score 2 runs and leave the bases loaded on a line out double play. And we got to the top again. The Management loves it when the bottom of the lineup scores runs cause then we win. Pure and simple. The Forcs hold off the collar in the 7th and win 7-6. Yay! Hoagies for everyone. Except Benson. He sucks.

The Good
Long recap, covered all the good hitting. But the defense was superb on a bad field. Adam's sliding (yes sliding Nevins!) catch in the 1st game literally won it. Mickey had 3 hits and we need them. Jason played some great 1st. Courtney yelled at the shortstop as usual. We drank and ate until 12:45 in the morning. That was absolutely ridiculous. Holy balls that was a long night. 6 teams showed up. A fantastic showing. Ed was bombed. Fordo Baggins was bombed. Nevins was asleep at 9:15. Tim Marino.....yup, bombed.

The Bad
2 wins, not too much to complain about. Didn't hit all the well overall but it was a very bad sunfield so whatever. George Miller did maliciously interrupt our game for 2.5 hours with the worst soccer display since US v. Ghana. Willmarth didn't share his hoagie. Vellia showed up which was bad but went 0-2 with 2 errors which was good.

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly)
We'd like to give it to George Miller but really, it has to go to Jake Schulz of the Collar. Scheduled to bat 3rd in the suspended game, Jake fails to show citing "stress and a complete inability to come through in the clutch." He spent the entire evening cuddled up in a blanket at home, stroking his cat, drinking warm milk, and saying "not the Franklin, not the Franklin, not the Franklin" over and over again. Sometimes it's really sad when we break people's spirits.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Week
Siebert, sliding catch
Phyllis, hoagies
Bottom of the lineup, winning game 2
Benson, no, just kidding, not Benson

Paul Watch
Peering through the trees on Dairy 2, a hulking mass with 5 arms, no wait, make that forearms, observed the softball scene around 11 pm EST. Eyewitnesses at the scene could not identify it conclusively as the Paul but one Ryan Vellia (age 19) was quoted as saying, "I was so terrified I peed my shorts. It was just all arms and no neck. It had an uppercut swing and flowing locks that made me remember when that bird hit Fabio in the face. And it looked right through me. I think it stole a hoagie. Oh i was so scared. I held Benson so tightly and waited for it to leave. I cried for hours that night." Others were quoted as saying "Of course it's not The Paul. If it were here, you'd know it!" Another source said, "It can't be. Nobody heard it talking about itself in the 3rd person." Associated Press called this "just another Paul hoax" and "people are just using this as a publicity stunt to get Memorial Nick his own spinoff team." Motorcycle treads were found at the scene but police could not find any conclusive evidence.

Quotes

"If you give us 2 wins, Laniece and I will kiss."
Demo

"I'll give you 2 wins!"
Vellia

"Shut up, Vellia."
Memorial Nick

"Hey Donlen, we're playing a game over here!"
The Management

"No pecks, Phyllis, we need saliva transfer."
Tim Marino

"Nobody hates a team that is 4-9."
Fordo Baggins

"You can't have any of my hoagie, ass!"
Willmarth

"12:40! I think this is a new CCSL consumption record!"
Fordo

"I'm so glad I'm not out having fun with my friends, Anne. Let's watch the end of Wheel of Fortune and then go to bed."
Nevins

"Stay on your own field George!"
Memorial Nick

"I'm having the best time! Spring Break!"
Ed

"Look at all the little Collar nerds."
Buddy

"Where is the holy fuck is Pickle?"
Injurygraham

"I'm a short little piece of crap that no one likes and some people actually spit on."
Vellia

"You know Ryan, you've only made one game so you're not playoff eligible."
"No, he can play, if you show up once and go 0-2 with two popups no one would ever complain about you playing against them."
Unknown

"You know what they call me now? An older fatter Vellia."
Benson

"Pinch hitter for you Vellia. Courtney, get in there! But you can only use your left arm!"
The Management, proudly

"Nice managing!"
Denise

"You're a way better coach that anybody else in the league."
A very very very drunk Tucker v. Tuckerson

"You better freakin' beat the Art Museum."
Frank Luzi

"Real blogs have the standings and scores up. Not your pussy underling blog. Fucking amateurs. I'm a professional writer goddammit!"
Unknown P&P coach

"Seriously, we'll do it for the two wins."
"I'm not giving you two wins for just that! Let's negotiate. I'm gonna need making out for at least 5 minutes, and there needs to be some cuddling. Maybe you smell her hair a little. And Buddy doesn't get to watch."
I think everyone knows who said that

"People read your blog just like they read Philly.com."
Anonymous to Fordo

"Reading the Tucker's Wyld Ryde is like eating a mouthful of wasabi raisins."
everybody