Second Art Museum Hootenanny

Where the fuck is Matt Pettrucelli? Seriously? Is he the new Paul?

So last Tuesday we beat the everloving sweet piss out of the Fart Museum....again.....again. At this point, it's really like stealing Manhattan from the Native Americans. But don't worry, it's just a 'friendly' whatever that means. So how did we do overall? Good and bad. It's preseason and The Management doesn't keep preseason stats. Newbies Adam Wojnotgonnaplayhere, Gonzo, Suzee with two E's and bunny ears over the Z, and The Situatjim came and were all immediately cut so we had room for Paul's biceps. Ed was there. No wait, he was still drunk from his pub crawl and had to have 4 vaginas pumped from his stomach earlier in the day.

So what did we learn?

Buddy NEEDS a hat...and several potent breath mints

Ed is on the verge of booze-induced Alzheimer's

Bryan Rice can blackout better than everyone not named Phyllis

Wojnotgonnaplayhere can't catch a ball unless he tackles it first

Fordo Baggins is jealous 'cause we put up our blog faster than him this year

Ray looks better in a Pirates' hat......but is still "a bum, Rock. You're a bum!"

La Nice showed up at the bar and immediately complained about the lack of "jailbait"

Avec C still sucks at Street Fighter.....and anal.

Substance Cookies are always fun

Fart Lisa stepped up her preseason CCSL fantasy ranking by drinking like she's the Scientology version of Bryan Rice

Nate Dogg died. Sadness. In memoriam, from Wikipedia:

"On a cool, clear night (typical to Southern California) Warren G travels through his neighborhood, searching for women with whom he might initiate sexual intercourse. He has chosen to engage in this pursuit alone.

Nate Dogg, having just arrived in the east side of Long Beach, seeks Warren. On his way to find Warren, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. Regardless, he insists to the women that there is no cause for excitement.

Warren makes a left turn at 21st Street and Lewis Ave, in the East Hill/Salt Lake neighborhood, where he sees a group of young men enjoying a game of dice together. He parks his car and greets them. He is excited to find people to play with, but to his chagrin, he discovers they intend to relieve him of his material possessions. Once the hopeful robbers reveal their firearms, Warren realizes he is in a less than favorable predicament.

Meanwhile, Nate passes the women, as they are low on his list of priorities. His primary concern is locating Warren. After curtly casting away the strumpets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their automobile), he serendipitously stumbles upon his friend, Warren G, being held up by the young miscreants."

Pour one out for the homeys.

1st Preseason Game

Well, kids, we finally had a preseason scrimmage. Well, looked more like a playoff game for the Force as they dominated the Griffons from the Fart Museum by a final score of 55-3. Said Coach Ray Solis of the Farties, "they just kept hitting and hitting! We couldn't do anything to stop them. We didn't execute on offense, we made too many mental mistakes, and nobody brought beer!!!" Couldn't agree with them more. Being the good sports that we are, we even game them some of PBR pounders taking an early lead in the race for this year's Commissioner's Cup. It also set up the defining moment of the game when the veteran shortstop for TFI called his shot. Pointing at the beer next to Solis' foot, the crafty and ruggedly good looking shortstop cried, "I'm hitting that beer!" First pitch, BANG! And the ground next the pitching rubber was soaked with sudsly goodness. Memorial Nick tried to duplicate with the next pitch only to pull a Bryan Rice and fail miserably. Such are the lessons in life.

Okay, stats from the first game:

Number of girls that showed up for us: 0
Number of times Barb struck out members of her own team: 4
Number of times Rice complained that he is short and ugly: TMTC
Number of times Avec-C made contact: 3
-expressed as a ratio over contact times from All star game: Undefined, cannot divide by 0
Number of references to Buddy's lack of hat: 25
Number of Ryan's that showed up: 2
Number of beers drunk: 24
Number of references to Demo's boobs: 1, thanks Mickey
Number of Pickle sightings: 0, sadly


Alright, second practice/scrimmage next Tuesday. Good night y'all!

Our New Coach

Let's recap the last five years quickly and then describe our new regime going into the 2011 season. Starting in 2006 with the triumphant return of the prodigal son, a cool drink of water and all around Adonnis-like shortshop who shall remain gorgeous, Ed Wagner coached the Force to 4 straight championships with, count it, 0 playoff losses. Aforementioned shortstop then coached the Force to a fifth title, although not flawlessly, as he lost a finals game to the Collar. Which brings us to Memorial Nicholas Vagtrola. Current coach of the Force. What do we know about him? Well if you'll scroll back to his highly controversial and unsuccessful powerpoint promotional campaign which ultimately ended in a landslide loss, you will notice that he has had numerous car accidents and was bitten in the face by a dog. All accounts suggest that dog was either a small toothless poodle, or Pluto from Disney. He was last seen in a Franklin uniform getting pwned in shallow left field by a clearly 'roided up Pickle during the 2010 FAG. When questioned about the incident this past week during Franklin spring training in Fort Myers, FL, Coach Nick suggested that all was not all right. "I have dreams where I see Pickle coming after me. He is dressed like a Victorian debutante, blue dress, hair in curls bouncing as he runs. He knows I cannot get away yet still he takes his time. And I usually wake up right before I swoon." Mental state of the coach aside, this year promises more of the same.....dominance.

2011 Season!!!!!

Well kids, the time is almost nigh. And The Management has been getting shit all off season for lack of posts. And, in typical Franklin Institute fashion.... Memorial Nick help me say this as hard as possible........
I can't hear you with 5 Championship Rings in my ears!!!!!!!!!

Wow. I need a cigarette now. And a PBR. But not Pam. And certainly not anyone from the Please Touch me.

So, a bit of business. Memorial Nick is officially coach of the Force. Disobey his orders as you would do normally. There are some new additions to the team, Alice's husband has picked up 3 people, one of whom I've met. He's a lightweight so we're gonna have to put him through a tough spring training. Other business. We have 2 scrimmages against the Cherry Street coming up. I don't know when. Buddy is in charge of that. Vegas has the odds at 1:45 Billion that he pulls it off. Also, there is talk of a scrimmage with the Art Museum. As usual, we try to scrimmage with another team, it's been the Tap Room and the Collar and they always fucking bail. What a bunch of vagabonds. So, we'll let you know. Okay, on the fun.

Offseason notes:

Mark Nevins had a baby. The baby was born already with the ability to disappoint on a softball field.

Russ "I have highly contagious incurable penis cancer" Krause has joined the PnP. He brings the average age down about 30 years.

Steve Lynch has been found!!!!! And word is that he'll be playing for the PnP as well although I heard it's a tight race between that happening and him dying from emphysema.

Memorial Nick is consorting with the enemy!!!!! Please inquire about this directly to your new coach.

Buddy is a douche but he's now douching at a 5th grade level.

Brian "Blonde Benson" Willmarth is expecting a child in April. This will not doubt affect his ability to show up and drill people in the back during blowouts.

Jeremy has stepped down from the Tap Room. Alvin and the Tap Room will assume control. We'd say we wish him luck but he's short, old, and smells like carp.

Bob Ford hasn't responded to any texts I've sent him this offseason. Probably the smartest man living in Philly.

Phyllis Demo loves her some double anal reverse cowgirl.

Jake Schulz of the Collar was tackled into a wall. Giggling ensued.

Pickle picked the Management to be on his all-star Zombie Squad. The Management hasn't been this happy since he won his fifth title in a row. Never gets old.

Ed's beard still tickles Pettrucelli's bag.

The Zoo will hit better than the Phillies this year.


Alright, blogging will be more frequent. Send in your offseason story lines.

Softballs! Welcome back!!!!!!!! I have wood. Oh, and as for the picture. I googled "softball is back" and this was the first image that came up. And I have soft place in my heart for both softball and redheads. Good night y'all!!!!!