Tucker's Wyld Ryde! On the Hunt for Paul Vol. 1

"Since no one has been able to locate Paul, 6 Flags and I decided to take a ryde and see if we could discover his whereabouts. We heard about a lost rainforest in the heart of Brazil where strange and exotic creatures were found. So we set out, with our shovels, maps, and supply of Kit-Kats hoping to catch of the rarely seen wild Paul. Alas we could not find the Paul although, we did observe many strange things and I got bitten by a mosquito and contracted yellow fever. I almost died. It was hilarious. And where is that Paul anyway? The trip almost took a fatal turn when a giant King Crab attacked a group of pymies. It took the swift thinking 6 Flags to save them by tempting the crustacean with his endless supply of Kit Kats. Whoa, that scary friends. Sadly, we had to leave Brazil Paulless. We are deterred but not defeated. He will be found. Ta!"

Tucker's Wyld Ryde! Postcards from the Edge.

"Hey everybody, just writing to say hi from my vacation in Pamplona, Spain where me and the The 6 Flags Guy were feeding the bulls. Lot of fun, but I miss softball. We even were so famous that this crowd of Spaniards flocked towards us at full speed. It was weird. I guess they heard about my double play. Anyway, take care, see you Tuesday.
ST
btw, bulls eat melons right?"

La di freakin' da! BTM recap 2

Sorry but The Management does love a good Chris Farley reference. And you know what else we love? Wins. PBRs. Midgets. Vellia jokes. So, to recap, The Forcs won 14-5 over the Touchies on Dairy 4 last night. This makes The Forcs 4-0 all time against the Touch over the past two years with a total score of 51-14. That's pretty good. Everyone played last night. (hooray!) And for the most part everyone played well. The Franklin 1, 3 and 4 hitters did decide to suck ass for the first part of the game, but picked it up later to ensure the victory. Tucker v. Tuckerson had his typical "look what I found? Now watch me turn a triple play" only to be ruined by the shortstop's inability to think 3. Ryan F. had a hit late in the game. The Marinos had some hits after showing up late with 9 kids (4 theirs). Alice had to come out cause she aggravated her intensity muscle. Defense was really good early and the hitting came alive later. Good win. And as Buddy says, we are guaranteed to be in the playoffs now since we own the tie breaker with The Touch.


The Good
We now have 3 girls who are playoff eligible. That's good. We swept our season with the Touch. That's also good. We scattered hits throughout the first 4 innings and eventually turned their mistakes into runs in the 5th and 6th. The Salty Vegetable was all over the place at 2nd base, not his typical spot, and The Touch was forced to remove the excess salt and vinegar in between innings. Chris Marino played through the pain of being a Marino, adding a double late in the game and wowing the crowd with a stunning performance of Peek-a-boo! the #1 fan was in attendance as usual but spent most of her time with Delphine. We had a nice Meredith Petruccelli appearance as well. And we had PBRs. Did we forget to mention that? The Management also pitched 9 strong innings after the game striking out Derm 14 times, John Hanlon twice, and Chris Marino 10 times. The Management then hit 4 homeruns off Chris Marino making the it look like a game of RBI Baseball for Nintendo.

The Bad
Once again, The Management took himself out and then got nervously drunk. But, that's the price you pay for Excellence. We should have scored more runs again. But that's really okay. The runs will come. Memorial Nick had one of his "I'm diving no matter where this ball is" moments bringing him up to 36 on the season in 10 games. We didn't bring pizza AGAIN! We ran out of Talls. That's pretty depressing. And Memorial Nick won the pregame Beer Toss 4-1-0 over The Management and Kyle Riley who looked like he had never even seen two grown men throw softballs at beer cans. Where did he grow up? Mexico?

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly)
Apparently, despite not even playing us last week, The Tap Room Leader has a post-game synopsis whereupon he rips The Force and most likely its Management. When a team can bitch two weeks later, you know you're doing something right. The Management has not seen the video, which can be found on the Tap Room's blog, and will not go see it just as he would not go next door to listen to a poodle, yapping away, and trying to piss on your shoe.

The Lumber Liquidators Studs of the Week
Tucker v. Tuckerson, double almost triple play, hit, scored a run
Buddy, not wearing a hat, letting it glisten in the sun
Mickey, hits and we haven't mentioned him yet

Paul Watch
Prior to the Dairy contests on Tuesday night, members of both The Pen and Pencil Ball Club and the Franklin Forcs met to discuss game strategies. During this conversation a large lurking sleeveless entity strolled up from the treeline and met the onlookers. It was later described as lumbering, station to station, and unable to make sliding catches. The creature sniffed the softball players, grabbed a Miller Lite, and retreated to whence it came. Pictures taken suggest this was not the elusive Paul, but rather the also rare Loch Nevins Monster.
Elsewhere in Mobile, AL, a large collection of sleeves was discovered near a dumpster. They apparently had been removed with scissors. The scissors could not be located by authorities.

Quotes from the game

"Why didn't The Management post about my shiny balls last week?"
Ed

"Only a very shady manager would try to sub a guy in for a girl in the lineup."
What Fordo Baggins tried to say

"Onwe a wery shady manawer would snub a why for a whirl in the wineup."
What root canal, novocained Fordo Baggins actually said

"Look, ancient dinosaur teeth!"
Pickle
"No, those are Fordo's."
Memorial Nick

"Does anyone want to move a tub upstairs? I'll give back massages."
La-Nice

"Why do I only sub in for Pete? Is this some lefty conspiracy?"
Jason

"Left-handedness is a choice and a sin. You people should be sent to a work camp."
Adam

"My daughter hits better than Tim."
Matty

"Did I ever tell you about my first kiss with a girl...."
Injurygraham, before realizing that everyone was listening

"Some of us are trying to have our own game over here!"
Willmarth

"Stay away from my girlfriend, Nick!"
Alvin

"No, we're fine over here."
Alvin's girlfriend

"You know, herpes don't itch as much as the commercials say."
Benson

Who said that? Voices from the team.

"Could The Management please post this email? Thank you.
Well, as the most tenured member of the Force I feel that it is my duty to respond to accusations launched against the team that we are a rag tag band of assholes and troublemakers, that we engage in both shenanigans and tomfoolery, and that our dedication to another CCSL championship is shaky at best. Granted, Paul has been MIA and we often bring 50 people to cookouts who don't bring any food, but both me and Buddy have started our playoff beards years ago. And yes, mine is both white and full of food particles from dinners long past, but still my focus is on the team...well, the one eye that can see that is. And I would like it mentioned that I have excelled beyond all others on this team in finding Tall Boys in the cooler in the dark after games. In that I have no equal. And while certain members of the team spend most of the game envisioning ways to elicit the much anticipated Phyllis/Laniece kiss, I am busily checking the scorebook and taking notes on players' progress both on the field and at the bar. In closing, I've noticed that since taking on Adam Siebert last year, this team and it's drunken Coach have fallen into discord, douchebaggery, debauchery, and disgrace. Alone I will champion the turnaround as we become a better, older, less douchey Force. Also, there will be a Full Moon Ralleye and easter egg hunt next month. Check the website."

The Zooze

Strong work kids, winning both the suspended inning and the next full 7 inning game against the Zooze. Our record is now 8-1 and we are in the driver's seat to the playoffs (Nick?) and the possible #1 seed. We won the 8th inning 4-2 making the final score 12-10 although, The Management was a trifle uneasy when the June 2 Force allowed the Zoo to score 2 and load the bases with 2 out. If the Zoo shortstop gets a hit there, it's a whole new ballgame. That probably why The Management was a little more PBR'd to start the next game than usual. Moving on, the 2nd game was different. 24-9 was the final count we think, but in the 3rd inning it was 7-5 Zoo. The Zoo can hit a little bit and they showed it early. But, in typical Franklin fashion, we wore them down with consistent defense and power hitting in the second half of the game. Everyone got at least 1 at bat, and everyone got to play some field. The Management is always pleased when that happens.

The Good
The game was fun. Everyone hit well. Rookie Jason played good 1st base. Pickled homered although the Management didn't see it and Pickle felt rejected. The Management did throw him some snausages later and Pickle's tail was then seen wagging. Buddy's Dad was in attendance again and admitted to his son about his quote from the other night. There was some crying and hugging but we think it was for the best. Injurygraham had some hits including a double, Alice got fired up, Alyssa caught and hit even though she was 'tired.' Pat and Wiggs got some playing time. Tucker almost struck out....twice. That is called foreshadowing. And, to add to the funsies, the Forcs went over to Dairy to drink with the other teams that like to drink. There was a lot of merriment, ridiculing, drinking, and Bensoning. More on this at the end.

The Bad
Not a lot went against us. The Zooze held us in check for 4 innings but it's really hard to keep a large drunk team down. Therefore, this is not so much about the bad, but more about the funny things that happened. Well, first and foremost, a heartfelt apology to Tim Marino after The Management grossly blew a call at 1st base. Tim Marino was easily safe and The Management apologizes for being retarded. In defense, however, Tim Marino did not realize that there was a runner in front of him for some weird reason, and the play at 1st was a result of his 'fantastic awareness and baserunning' skillz. Still, he was safe, and The Management realized then about our drinking problem. Moving on. While pitching in the 8th of the suspended game, the leadoff hitter hits a dribbler to Pickle who after not being able to pick it up for about 9 minutes, then turns and throws it to Edgely 4 despite calls of "hold it! hold it!" Immediately after the throw, Pickle said, "oh, hold it." Vintage Pickle. Pickle also finally understood the meaning of the word 'higher' too. Banner day for the Salty Vegetable. Matt Petrucelli also found fun in his new game of "can I knock over Buddy with my throws home." He came quite close. Oh, and Tucker almost struck out twice! Boom! Didn't think we'd say it again, did you?

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Bad)
Zooze captain Chris Oberlin was caught before the game trying to lure Chris Marino and Memorial Nick over to the Zooze with the promise of 30 virgins upon their death. He was also seen talking to Tucker v Tuckerson and Buddy so I guess he only needs to find 28 more in order to sign them.

Lumber Liquidators Studs of the Week
Tim Marino, cause well, he was safe
Chris Marino, for playing short not like Chris Marino
Alice, intensity
Matt P, for his daughter and the free Nazi paraphrenalia

Paul Watch
Somewhere near Aberdeen, Scotland, a sleeveless bicep was seen rising out of a nearby lake, looking around for a few seconds, then retreating under the waves. Local fishermen using SONAR and depth charges were unable to locate or destroy the menace. Onlookers believe they saw a second bicep also in the waters suggesting that they may live in packs.

Quotes of the Week

"Aw, look at those nerds over there."
Anonymous Collar female about unnamed Franklin players

"Dammit! It wasn't a force. Shit!"
retarded Franklin shortstop

"Hey look at me! I didn't hang around after our game against the Collar! I went home! Yay!"
Nevins

"Look who found another pounder!"
"Ed, go to 13th street and you'll find lots of pounders."

"Alcohol takes the edge off my softball addiction."
Tim Marino

"Does anyone have Pam's number?"
Memorial Nick

"I just see Buddy with a glove and I want to drill him!"
Matt P

"What did you learn, Nick?"
Franklin shortstop

"Look at this goiter on my leg. It's taken on a life of it's own. Very attractive. Looks like I'm smuggling racquetballs in my shin."
Matty P

"Does anyone else remember Polio?"
Fordo Baggins

What in the ever-loving sweet crap?: Tap Room Recap(s)

Well, it's over. And we never ever have to see the Tap Room again! Well, at least until the playoffs possibly....or next year. And the year after. Anyway, our 1.143 games last night did not disappoint fans, spectators, PBR suppliers, or boxing promoters as it was not lacking in great hitting, great defense, shady lineups (allegedly) animosity, disputed calls, slammed bats, close plays, and a lot of undercooked meat consumption. So there, on Edgely 4, the Force split with the Tap Room, losing the suspended game 20-11 (but winning the suspended inning 4-2!), and winning a nail biter 9-8 in the waning daylight. First the one inning game: We gave up 2 but it could have been 6. Leadoff hitter Jeremy was inexplicably waved home on a long triple only to be thrown out at the plate. There's one they gave us. A few hits and an error later they had 2 runs and were threatening for more but failed to get a 2-out hit with RISP. The Force scored 4, 3 on an Adam Siebert missile into the left-center field gap. The shortstop scored the 4th run on an RBI 'seed' by Ed Wagner to 3rd base....well to 15 feet in front of 3rd base. Then we were done and the game lost. No miraculous comeback but a lot of momentum to build on.
2nd game! Wow, what an intense game. Didn't start out that way though. Force scored 4 in the first but gave up 3 unearned on a Brain Willmarth 4-base error . 4-3 after 1. Jumped up to 7-3 Force on another Siebert homerun. After 6, it was 8-5. We scored 1, they scored 2, setting the stage for a 9-7 bottom of the 7th. Tension was high. Screaming was constant. Anger, sweat, and the Blue Ribbons were pouring. Pickle was cooking and not paying attention to the game. Playoff atmosphere for the 2 teams that have met in the finals in 3 of the past 4 years. Leadoff hitter Al, pops up to left. Huge out. Next batter singles to left. Jeremy singles to right. Next batter doubles to left, one run scores, runners on 2nd and 3rd, 9-8. Benson steps into the plate needing only a fly ball to the outfield to tie the game and give the Tap a chance for a 2 out win. Base hit wins the game. Benson swings and grounds to short who throws him out by half a step. Runner on 3rd does not score for some reason. 9-8, 2 outs, runners on 2nd and 3rd. Next batter pops to short. GAME OVER FORCE WINS 9-8.

The Good
Well we won. Didn't really need that win, neither team really did to make the playoffs, but that second game may likely decide 1st place seeding and homefield advantage in the finals should both teams advance. Defense was really good overall. Renardo played a great leftfield and newcomer Alice Kellepourey was sterling at the plate and at 2nd base. Ed played a nice right field and Memorial Nick was all over the place with the glove, arm, and relatively cuteness (more on that to come). Bill got his first inning in 3 years and made a spectacular (no embellishment here) catch on a soft liner. He also flew out to left and smoked 4 cigarettes. 2 were lit. Pickle was Johnny on the Spot with the spatula cooking everything in sight including half of the Tap Room's food. Sorry Benson. We had spectators in Fordo Baggins, Mark "They Won't Let Me Slide, Mom" Nevins, and Phyllis Demo. Naked photos of Demo were requested to The Management, but an ongoing litigation has put a cease and desist on such requests. Thank you Mexico.

The Bad
We hit like crap after the 4th inning. Have to say it. Edgely 4 is a bad field and we popped the ball up too much. The Tap Room also did some interesting things in the outfield which we should have taken better advantage of. The Management also got unnecessarily upset about onfield antics that we should have anticipated. The Management does not want to act like that but gets in the moment just like everyone else. The Management promises to be a much nicer Management at least for tonight. Sometimes playoff atmospheres give The Management ulcers. Some baserunning 'aggressive' attempts were ill-advised but The Management does not want to restrain aggressive play so will not comment further. We also started cooking too early and lost the spirit of cooking 'with' the other team. The Management has learned these things. We also deserved to lose that game because of our untimely hitting. We need to get better on these things.

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Bad)
A win's a win. Comments made by The Tap Room after the game praised The Management's use of Alice Kellepourey at 2nd base. Apparently, The Tap Room does not like hitting to female 2nd basemen. Good to know. Adam Siebert doesn't have a problem with it. Neither does Ed Wagner, although his roll to her. Other Mystiques, Tap Room Outfielder John Benson tried to bribe the team by giving us a package of weiners (he he, weiners), sausages, and hamburgers before the game. Sorry, Johnny, we don't get bribed by such things. The Franklin Institute can only be bribed by beer, hot roast beef sandwiches, and beer.

Lumber Liquidator's Studs of the Week
Adam Siebert, 3 hrs on the day
Pickle, can smoke a sausage like you read about
Bill, cause, well, he's Bill

Paul Watch
Residents at a local park noticed two large floating arms circling a small neckless animal. Police were summoned and discovered that it was a small boy with two large plastic wiffle bats that resembled forearms. The child may or may not have been special, reports vary.

Quotes of the Week
"You're young and relatively cute."
Pam to Nick

"You're old and relatively Nick."
Pam to Ed

"Who wants to eat my sausage?"
Pickle, somewhat inappropriately

"If you gave me your knee, I'd be up to one knee."
Alvin

"Why is that shortstop throwing a hissy fit?"
throw a rock

"Which way to the Shire?"
Fordo Baggins

"How many of these guys would I do? "
Demo

"It's like he lost hair on his beard AND his head."
Buddy's Dad

Who said that? Voices from the team.

"See, I don't understand this. Why does my place in the lineup change every week? It gets me frazzled. I don't have enough time to drink the wonderful PBRs. I know I'm not the most productive hitter in the lineup, but I'm there every week, I swing the bat like a hockey stick, I play all-star quality catcher, and I get results. I want some consistency in where I bat. The Management has been going downhill for years and everyone knows it. I'm sick of being moved around all the time because the retards at the top don't know what they're doing. I know I look like someone scared the ever-loving sweet crap out of Bruce Vilanch, but I'm lovable and I could be sold to kids as some type of Plush novelty. And if the Flyers lose tonight, I'm taking my Paul Bunyan axe, and going postal on this league. The CCSL Pub Crawl is going to be a "Pub Run Away From the Bearded Lunatic." No one will be spared. Except 'Berta....and maybe one or two of the Collar girls. Not Denise though. And certainly not anyone from The Tap Room. What was my point again? Oh yeah, Say No to Drugs!"

Academy 2 Recap

Well, we finished our series sweep of the Academy of Natural Sciences in grand fashion winning a by a respectable 16-5 margin. Although, to be fair, The Management was starting to get a little nervous about his 'revamped lineup' when it was 5-4 ANS after 3 frames. In the end, we prevailed, and nothing was hurt except livers and Bill's AARP Pizza Party fund.

The Good:
Well, for once, The Management has the scorebook in front of us. Despite what looks like an orangutan's writing underwater, The Management was able to decipher some hitting stats. Here goes. 3 hits for Memorial Nick and the shortstop, 2 hits for Chris Marino (including a 4-base error), Adam, Pickle, Buddy, Tucker, Tim Marino (2-1 base errors I assume), and newcomer Jason. 1 hit for Pat because The Management couldn't get him another at bat. Overall, that's 21 hits in 39 at bats. And the Math is............. .538. Pretty good. Defense was superb, secondbasewoman Liz Palmer Johnson Guitierrez Hiawatha McPhersonpenis or whatever her name is this week, made spectacular plays at second. Tucker Tuckerson caught a running ball in foul territory. Pickle pitched well despite not knowing what the word "higher" means. Chandra played a good first making The Management remember 2003 fondly. And everyone got to rip on new Academy 3rd baseman Russ Krause which is always fun.

The Bad:
No F'ing pizza!!!! What in the sweet crap is that? Academy gots pizzers, why didn't we? Bill? If you're gonna show up in Dockers there better be some food with you. And the beer was late! What in the 7th level of Hell is going on with this team. It's falling apart under the new management. Mike Sikorski was there at 5:45 with two pizzas and a cooler of beer. Memorial Nick showed up at 9:30 with no beer, no pizza, and no Vellia. Or something like that. Heads are gonna roll! Also Russ had 3 hits. Lame.

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly):
The 3-4 Maulers, Pickle and Buddy terrified the Academy by doing the Bash Brothers salute before each at bat. It was said that shortstop Juliana fainted the first time they did it and Russ pee'd his pants. Somewhere, in the Mist, Fordo Baggins wept.


The "Lumber Liquidators" Studs of the Week:
Memorial Nick, 6 RBI's
Liz PJGHM, flawless second, made the shortstop feel awful for not pitching a ground out to her
Mike Sikorski, pizza

Paul Watch
Well, after a grueling road trip, Franklin Forcers thought they saw a scantily clad Paul running in between trucks on the tar mac at Philadelphia International Airport. It may have just been the fatigue or jet fuel in our eyes though.

Quotes of the Week:
"Hey, isn't that the guy with highly infectious explosive incurable penis cancer?"
Adam about Russ

"Not with this new cream I found on the internet."
Russ, not about the penis cancer

"4th? Are you kidding? 4th? No. Why? What the hell?"
Buddy about the lineup

"I have to run, I have a kickball game."
Some 4th grade girl who batted leadoff

"I didn't have any good quotes this week? Bullshit!"
Memorial Nick

Memorial Nick; The Mouth of the Management

-sent from Tim M. Wait, that's too obvious. Let's call him T. Marino.

WTF? Zoo recap.

So, I guess in reporting their runs after every inning, they missed a run that actually scored. I don't recall the run, but Buddy and Pickle claim that they might have had one more run, which in essence would be an 8-8 score after 7 innings, which would technically mean extra innings. Which would also mean that we did not yet win this game. Which also means that we would have to yet finish a game at a later date. To be determined. . .

The Good
We won-ish. It was named the "Body Bag Game" afterwards; a tough, grinding win that might not be official yet (again, lame!). A win is a win no matter how you want to look at it, and that is the main focus to take from this week. And a win it was, or soon will be. (Lame!)

The Bad
We continue to be inconsistent. We have the talent and the potential to blow out any team that takes the field opposite us, and we seem to continue to play to our opponent instead of playing our game. Our hitting was spotty and our defense was not what we need it to be (granted we played with only 3 outfielders and a couple of individuals played in positions that they are not accustomed too). We have to lock up the defense because we know the offense will come around as the season plays on, so we have to focus over the next few weeks on tightening up the defense if we are going to have another successful run through the playoffs! (playoffs? playoffs? - you're welcome Ryan)

The Franklin Mystique (Formerly The Ugly)
Nick played an errorless shortstop, but still has struggled at the plate. He also had a collision with Matt; Matt survived, barely. The Marinos showed up to save the day, both playing key roles in a hard fought victory-ish. Tim replaced a worthless outfielder who pulled himself from the game and Chrisreplaced an injured player and soaked up at least an out every time through the order. Only one female played, so we were forced to take an out more often then we would have liked. Adam was also beaten down the third base line three times by the same hitter (you would think someone would learn, but no, lets not change, lets just keep doing the same thing - BRILLIANT! Sorry, The Management got a little bitter just now. The Management apologizes)

The "Lumber Liquidators" Stud of the Week

Matt - prior to and after taking out Nick, held down centerfield by himself, playing a very solid defense all night. Even when Nick tried to take him out, he still made an outstanding catch.

Pickle - pitched a dominating game in his first appearance ever.

Berta - the only female to play last night, was on base twice and had a solid performance behind the dish.

Paul Watch

TMZ reports that there was a minor car crash outside the home of The Shifkas with a 6 iron sticking out of the rear window. Police have not made a formal statement as of yet.

Quotes or the week

"This was 'the body bag game.'"

Pickle

"YOU NEVER CATCH THE BALL WHEN YOU DIVE!"

Fordo Baggins to Nevins

-Nick

nb: this game is officially suspended and will be picked up from the top of the 8th when we play them next which will be a week from Tuesday.