Long awaited

That's right, the long awaited post and postseason is upon us. Postseason? And as has been true for the past 2 weeks, we play the Fart Museum...again. So, let us first recap last week's game and then we'll move on to more pressing matters.

We won last Tuesday 14-7 but it was never that close. Due to strange and ill-advised position shifts, the Farties turned their last regular season game into a laugher. Their shortstop played left, their left fielder played short and second, their pitcher batted 3rd and Ray didn't play. A very odd way to get ready for the post season. Very odd indeed. But in the end, 14-7 with a lot LOT of shit talking coming our way from them. Let us move on.

The Good
We hit very well. A good prep game for the postseason. Everyone played and everyone played well. The Management was pleased with the playoff (didn't think I'd say it, did you Nick?) intensity. Adam played through his vaginal tuberculosis, Pickle found a bat that he could swing, Vellia wasn't there. It was good. All was right.

The Bad
Weird weird game. Lots of shit flying like the feces at the cages where Ray probably works. That's right, Ray, I made a chimpanzee joke. Berta hit aforementioned coach with her bat. Hilarious. Chris Marino buzzed the tower needlessly despite all infield advice to the contrary. This happens too much on our team, true believers. (that was a Stan Lee reference, kids) The Management made another error and was tackled by 3rd baseman Mickowitz. Will have to shore that up tonight.

The Franklin Mystique
Ray was too scared to play. Need I say more? Okay, I will. Scared that he would give away 'more secrets' The Pirated One kept himself out of his final tuneup and batted a girl 3rd in order to 'get inside the head' of the Franklin. Did it work? Doubtful. Will it help them tonight? Remains to be seen. I heard however, that a case of Pedro Alvarez signed baseballs was delivered to Fordo Baggins over the weekend. Perhaps that will sway his cause. (That's a Pirates' joke, friends)

Drunk Words of Encouragement
"Homer, you're dumber than a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride I suggest you take it!"
Abe Simpson, insert your name where it says Homer

Cialis Boner of the Week
Ed showing up at 6:30 with the beer. Buddy said he also had an erection. The Management took his word for it.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Game
The Salty Vegetable, 3 hits
Micky McMicklestein, 4 hits
Berta, bat throwing/animosity
Ray, lineup

Paul Watch
In the waning light of a 14-7 game, onlookers, bored as all crap, looked into the sky where they were used to seeing helicopters, planes, and other radio-controlled annoying pieces of crap, and saw none other than The Paul, flying around with his bicep skin extended, much like the flying squirrels of South America. Paul dazzled the crowd with his aerial acrobatics for 15 minutes before landing atop a telephone pole to do 2200 arm curls. Said one witness, "I thought flying creatures had to have hollow bones in order to fly like that?" Responding to the question, nearby biologist Stephen J Ratbone said, "true true, but with all the HGH and steroids that the Paul has consumed over the past 10 years, it's likely that his once hard bone enamel is now replaced with a thin tissue, much like fiber insulation." In a related story, it has been reported that the Paul may not have been there on Tuesday night at all, but that Ray Solis slipped some LSD into the Pabst Blue Ribbon water at the brewery. More on that as more information becomes available.

Quotes From the Game (or close to it)

"Take that, Ray!"
Berta

"Don't worry, next week you'll have Bob Ford"
"If we had him last week, we would have won."
Ray and The Management (proudly)

"Should have used the backhand"
Art shortstop
"Someone check that girl's ID."
Management to shortstop/applies to Vellia as well

"screeeeeeeech1!!!!!!!!"
Memorial Nick solidifying this year's Nick Ventrola Memorial Award

"HGH!"
awesome

"Do you think Phyllis would sign my boobs?"
Ed

"I had 3 hits today despite the vinegar!"
Pickle

"I showed up late, whenever I feel like it, cause my name's Tucker v. Tuckerson."
anonymous

"You're this team's Pam."
Ray