Game 7 Recap: Touched by an Angel

And exactly where did the angel touch you?
Another game of CCSL in the books and another win for the Force. 21-11 over the Museum de Touch Por Favor. It wasn't pretty, but we'll take it. And we push our record to 5-2 with the FAMbees coming to town next week. You have to beat the teams you should beat and we did. So on we roll

Recap

Well, we hemorrhaged 4 runs in the top of the 1st and I mean hemorrhaged. It was that scene in Carrie where they drop pig's blood all over Carrie. That bad. Probably one or two actual basehits with about 3 errors sprinkled in for funsies. We followed by scoring 6 in the 1st. Then the next two innings were back and forth and after 3 innings, the score was knotted at 8 a piece. Memorial Nick was beginning to fume and the PBRs were not tasting as good as they should have been. After that, it was all downhill for the Touch. 7 in the 4th, 4 in the 5th, 2 in the 6th. They scored 3 more runs after we shored up our defense. 21-11. Win number 5 as we march to the playoffs. You know what to say next.

The Good

It's hard to be mad at 21 runs, but it should have been more. And 21 runs with the Marinos and Verne, so it's pretty good. They're a young team with suspect defense and we took advantage. The Black Marino and Pete had 4 hits and scored 3 times. MMN had 4 hits and scored 3 runs. Mickowitz, Buddy, Wiggs and Derm all scored twice. Everyone had hits, everyone played. Good game overall.

The Bad

The Management had another onfield argument. Such a douche. Shoddy infield defense in the first and third let to at least 5 unearned runs. And, every starter scored at least once except for..............Ed. What a loser! Actually, it's hard to blame him cause he went 4-4 but he's still a loser. Bad Touch pitcher Claudia threw an overall great game. 14 footer by the plate, 14 footer by the plate, 3 footer that lands halfway up the 1st base line. 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

The Franklin Mystique

Collar 3rd baseman or something, Dr. Jake, showed up at the game after his game was over in 15 minutes with a 5-1 loss to Alvin and the Taproom. When asked why they only scored 1 run he said, "Well, it's either because Phyllis's boobs weren't there or because you and Nick didn't come watch." I think we know which it was.

Lumber Liquidators Studs of the Week

The Black Marino
Debbie
Buddward
The Regular Marinos because they didn't come
Petie

NASDAQ Trade of the Week

The midrange gin and bottle of Tullamore Dew have arrived!!!!! They were delivered just prior to the Velocirapture on Saturday. These, of course, were the back end of the Adam Wojnotgonnaplayhere trade. The Collar got hosed.

Paul Watch

Paul was seen!!!!!! On a rain soaked thunderous Velocirapture, with zombies coming out of the ground, blood spewing from the skies, thunder and lightning, Earth trembling, dogs and cats living together, Paul was seen reading a newspaper and drinking a latte. The witness could not be interviewed because he immediately ascended into the sky because he apparently was of whatever ridiculous religion believes in shit like that.

CIALIS Boner of the Week

Not many choices this week so I'm gonna go with Chris Marino who I'm sure was doing something retarded between the hours of 6-8 on Tuesday night.

Benedict Pickle's Historical Reference of the Week

May 24th, 1925, John Scopes was indicted for teaching evolution in the classroom leading to what has been known as the Scopes Monkey Trial. A book and movie of the same name was made called Inherit The Wind, which made William Jennings Bryant, the attorney for the prosecution look like the pompous imbecile he is. Luckily, in nearly 100 years, nobody questions evolution anymore........

Wagner's Movie of the Week

Multiplicity, 1996 Back when people actually thought Andie McDowell was attractive. Shudder.

Phyllis's Retro Porn Movie of the Week

Between the Cheeks, 1984

Pounder Tag Season Update

A quick 0-0 tie. No more points. Bad Touch was antsy.

CollarBlog Syntactical Error of the Week

Functionality

ASA Rule Clarification of the Week

Tagging up. You are allowed to advance on a caught flyball after the ball has been contacted by an outfielder. The outfielder does not need to have full possession of the ball before you can advance, you are allowed to leave after he/she first touches it. Apparently, this is known as the DiMaggio Rule, although I'd never heard that. If Wikipedia makes you believe me, or you may check your local ASA rule book. Also here it is from MLB. Also this.

Quotes from the Week

"Outmaneuvered by a fucking Prius."
Nevins

"I played in college!"
Strangely, not me

"If we're right, you'll buy us a case of beer."
"What happens if I'm right?"
"We'll buy you a case of beer."
I guess we'll see

"Yeah, I couldn't make the game but I can definitely make the Collar afterwards."
Phyllush

"This was the best game we've ever played!"
Bad Touch Courtney

"Claudia, you are a blog favorite!"
MMN

"I'm not texting you that one. You'll have to remember it yourself."
Obviously I didn't

"She likes the long ones."
"Just likes Wiggs' sister."
Boom!

"So if you need a boner, think of Buddy again."
Benedict Pickle about Buddy's 2-K performance

"Um, there's a lot of beer here that's antsy that you're late."
Ed Sadner

"We lost a lot of players to the Plague this year."
Frank Luzi

"I didn't make my game against the Tap Room because I was laid up from overseximafying."
La Nice

"I could play both games this week! Thank you Thor!"
Flynn

The Bright New Future

Well, with a new week of softball to look forward to, let us reflect on the fact that Naomi Watts is a gorgeous woman, a terrible actress, and clearly someone who screens her calls. Also, let us reflect on the fact that we are 4-2, didn't die in the Rapture, are not mentally deficient enough to have ever thought we would die in the Rapture, are not Benson or Bryan Rice, will not give a crap about the final Oprah show, did not draft Ted Ginn Jr., get to play the Bad Touch tomorrow, have an appreciative knowledge of science, and hate Nazism (except Pell). We have a chance to finish the season strong with 8 games remaining. It's time to focus and think about both our wins and losses, how can we can be better and how many more PBRs we can have during each game. And the hopefulness that comes will come generally. Buddy could wake up tomorrow with hair, Benedict Pickle could wake up tomorrow with the body parts in his freezer gone, Memorial Nick could wake up and the girl next to him could actually be a girl, The Management could wake up tomorrow and find out that people actually enjoy reading this thing, Phyllis could wake up without that wonderful combination of insatiable sexuality mixed with bloodlust, Mickey could wake up tomorrow and realize that he's not Vellia with frizzy hair, my cat will wake with up 4 legs, The SPTR will wake up and have their blog not be stale and unfunny, Ed could wake up tomorrow with everyone's email addresses, Candy could wake up tomorrow without using 11 tubes of BenGay, Derm could wake up late tomorrow afternoon and well, maybe not everyone has hope, Chris Marino could wake up tomorrow and realize he's not Tim Marino, Tim Marino could wake up tomorrow and realize he's not Jeff, Matty could wake up tomorrow next to the Management, La Nice could wake up tomorrow in a bubble bath filled with 19 Phillipino boys, Lynch could wake up and not have to fill the quota of 500 hi-fives before lunch, Ford could wake up and finally propose to Mark Nevins. It is a new better future for everyone and it starts now! Let's go 8-0 to end the season. Everyone knows that we can.

Week 5 Recap: Humility is a Lost Art

Well, well, well, another CCSL game is in the books. The Forcs had a chance to take a share of the lead but fell a bit short at the end, losing to the Fart Museum by a score of 12-10. For the second time this year, the Forcs had to endure a tough early start only to come so close at the end. We trailed 8-1 after 3 innings. This, if you recall, is eerily similar to the Collar game which, after a strong second half, we lost by 1. But hey, we usually win the close games so the expectations are high. All in all, it was a good, well-played game that could have gone either way. More on that in a moment.

Recap

With bitterness in their hearts, the Farties reluctantly agreed to play on a perfectly fine Edgely 4 that the Management, with help from Mickowitz and Brett Favre, had raked for 30 minutes prior. Complaining was rampant, apparently only 84 degrees with a slight breeze and a chocolate fountain nearby is the only way to play softball. When the game started, however, the Forcs dealt with a tough top of the first inning on a rain soaked Edgely 4. A misplayed fly ball by the Black Marino led to a leadoff triple. This was followed by a sacrifice fly by Verne Siebert. 1-0 Forcs. This was the last time we would lead. It was also the last hit till the fourth inning. The Management lined out hard to 1st and Memorial Nick hit a one-hop seed to 3rd to record the third out. After the throw to first, the 1st baseman had to spend 10 minutes with a rag to wipe off the shit on the ball that had collected after Jeremy had pulled that ball from so far up his ass to make that play. The Fart then scored 4 runs on routine singles, 3 of which could have been avoided if a long foul ball to right field had been caught. 4-1. Top of the second wasn't much better for the Forcs as they went 1-2-3 with their 5-7 hitters up. Not good. All popups or easy plays. No runs for the Fart in the 2nd, so still 4-1. Forc hitters 8-10 then went 3 up 3 down, leaving Ray's hitless streak at 9 consecutive batters....in slowpitch softball. Weak doesn't even begin to describe. The top of the Fart order then scratched out 4 more runs to run the score to 8-1 even though Avec C can't count and thought it was 7-1. Then, went it all looked like it had the makings of a Grade 7 Shitstorm, The Forcs woke up. A hit for Renardo, a hit for Verne, a wind-aided field goal homerun and a MMN homerun and the Forcs had a quick 4 runs back. But that wasn't it for the hitting, next 4 hitters scored another 3 runs and all of a sudden, the score was 8-8 and it was looking like a great come-from-behind victory. Then, just like it came, the fun stopped. The Farties scratched out 2 runs in the 5th and 6th while the Forcs could only just watch as Memorial Nick squandered a 2-out RBI opportunity in the top of the 5th. The Forcs then went down in order in the 6th leaving the bottom of the order up with a 4-run deficit. Then, just as the rain had ceased earlier in the day, a faint glimmer of hope appeared from the mud. A two-out base hit for Tim Marino. A 2-out base hit for Renardo and Adam, and just like that, it was a 2 run margin with 2 outs, Verne on 1st and the Management up. Another hit! 2 outs, 2nd and 3rd, tying runs on base, go ahead run at the plate in one Memorial Nick. And, however implausible and unlikely it may have been, to whatever gods or demons you pray to, to countless hours of atrocities on CNN, with the game on the line and the miracle maker at the plate, alas, the Mighty Casey struck out.....or popped up to left in this case, for the second time. No heroes on that rain-soaked field, just men and women, and the failed dreams of empty PBR cans.

The Good

Well, what can we take from such a bitter loss? Again, teams cannot run away from us. They can get a lead but our defense is stellar and we fight and battle to the last out. Every time. That's why we won 5 times in a row. Not because we blow out teams or because we have significantly better players. But because we play consistent softball. We have fun. And we expect to win. Didn't happen Tuesday, but it will again. These are the games that make the season worth playing.

The Bad

Well, he told me to be harsh, so I'll try a little. The four hitter can't go 1-4 when nobody else is hitting. But still, we had our chances. It came down to a couple of plays. I moved Adam Siebert in from right center only to have a wind-aided 2 run Ray homerun sail over his head just out of reach. I'd like to have that one back. Also, some miscues on fielding balls in the outfield hurt. But in the end, I think that 9 straight outs was the deal-breaker. So hard to overcome losing 3 innings. So hard.

The Franklin Mystique

Well, as I said, we just don't go away. As coach Ray Solis said when they led by 2 runs with MMN coming up in the 7th with the tying runs on, "Oh, Fuck!" That pretty much sums it up.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Week

Chandra
Renardo
Pete (bizzomb to deep right)
Jason (hitting consistently well now)

NASDAQ Trade of the Week

Following the heartbreaking loss, Memorial Nick traded in his old automatic car for a new standard vehicle so he could work on being clutch.

Also, he traded in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacac.

CIALIS Boner of the Week

Tim Marino. Trailing by 3 runs with two outs in the 7th, he decides this is the absolute best time to take off from second to go to the third when the ball scooted away from Rice. The throw, the ball, several passing motor homes, the North American plate, and several glaciers all beat him to 3rd base. He was saved when Jeremy dropped the ball after the tag. I'll say it again, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?????

Paul Watch

Locals in Greenwich, NY were terrified when a unknown entity strolled down the street at 2 a.m. and into a "house of pleasures." Police were summoned and it was soon determined that it was not The Elusive Paul, but rather it was Paul Reubens, settling in for an evening of erotica. Everyone enjoyed a laugh and sigh of relief.

Benedict Pickle's Historical Reference of the Week

May 17th, 1536, 4 of Anne Boleyn's "lovers" are excuted. If they were La Nice's lovers, they would have been found with their heads chewed off.

Wagner's Movie of the Week

Not Without My Daughter, 1991

Demo's Retro Porn Movie of the Week

Edward Penishands, 1991

Pounder Tag Season Update

Postponed, due to rain and raking

Quotes from the Week

"and he receives 3 kisses from the Princess...and a pair of socks. As is tradition."

"Ponytail Ken is out buying animals."

"Remind to make sure my kids know how to add."
Management to MMN

"Your child violated my girlfriend!"
"I heard she liked it."
Mickey and Timmeh

"Can someone please tell them that they're not in the Big Leagues?"
Alyssa about the Farties

"Did poodles shit on the field?"
Mickey

"I'm sad cause my new girlfriend likes Ryan more than me. They even have their own handshake!"
Rice

"Can't hit a single? What about that, fucker?"
Kyle Jacobs to Management about his scouting report

"Now you have something to blog about."
Ben

"I like to watch the monkeys at the zoo have sex."
Pell

"I miss La Nice. I haven't been this bored since before puberty."
Demo

"You guys are in trouble."
Thanks for the support Fordo

"See I don't suck. I brought lots of beer this week."
Ed

"Bunny Marino is gonna keep having kids until she finally has one that doesn't suck at softball."
Benedict Pickle

"I watched all of Rambone last week. I still don't get the plot."
Buddy

"If you ever do this again, Nick, Buddy gets to shave you."
team

"I can't believe we won! I have the biggest erection right now!"
Avec C

"Okay, I'll come back to your place, Ray."
Jeremy

"I don't think I said one word this game."
Barb

"My asshole hurts."
Rice

Gloves are off!

Well, I had no softball or baseball on a Sunday for the first time since March, so obviously, I'm bored. To handle this, I thought we'd take a look forward to Tuesday. The point of this exercise is tri-fold. First, I'd like to make myself giggle tonight. Secondly, I'd like to give our team a heads up for how Tuesday might play out. Granted, these are tendencies, not exactly what they're going to do. Third, I'd like to get under the skin of the Fart Museum and probably will since they read this blog more than my own team does.

Here's the scouting report for every player on the Fart Museum I can think of, plus a guess at what the lineup might be. Enjoy.


1 Kalif (Khaleef?) something
easily the fastest guy in the league. It's not even close. He will have two hits most likely depending on how his first hit goes. He likes to hit the ball on the ground but has difficulty doing it consistently. If he starts off with a ground out and/or a pop out, he tends to start popping the ball up. Little power deep.

2 Ben (Steroids)
a polished left handed hitter with occasional deep power. He tends to be a linedrive pull hitter but can occasionally hit the left field gap. Generally gap power, no real power to left, deep power to straight away right only.

3 Rice
Could be batting anywhere from 2-5 as with Ray, Kyle, and Darryl. Says he changed his swing this year, last year he hit poorly against us. No power to right field, moderate power to left with a fly ball tendency. Best suited for linedrives up the middle to the right side. Did hit 2 "homeruns" against the Collar, at least one was a misplay by Collar leftfielder.

4 Darryl
Probably the most power on the team. Likes to hit long fly balls but is smart enough to take a single if the team needs it. Knock on that is that he can't do it consistently, sooner or later he will fly out to left center field. Power to all fields, moves his feet well to hit to right field. Could go 4-4 or 0-4 depending on which Darryl shows up. Challenge?

5 Ray
Formerly a flyball pull hitter, changed his approach is now primarily linedrive spray to middle and to the right side. Likes to hit the ball on either side of the second basemen. Has some power, usually declines to show it now. Coaching has made him a smarter hitter. Still a douche.

6 Jeremy
New to the team. Limited scouting on him. Little deep power, but good linedrive gap hitter. Trouble hitting down right field line, but hits to right center well. Generally a gap to gap hitter with little attempts at the lines. May bat 2nd. Often gets himself out with bad pitch selection.

7 Kyle
May bat earlier in the lineup, deep power to right center to left. Inconsistent swing, can hit long flies or pop the ball up to shallow outfield, no power to right, inside out swing that carries the ball, oddly, from left center to center from a right handed bat. Trouble hitting singles when required.

8 Barb
No book on her really. Tends to pull, no power.

9 Second base girl
Always forget her name, haven't seen much of her, plays a good defensive second base I'm told. Book will come out after I watch her swing.

10 Fart Lisa
A blog favorite, solid hitter linedrive to all fields, can beat outfielders that cheat because she's a girl (I think)

11 Whiskey Frank
left handed, mostly pull, not too much power, may not play because he's too drunk. Brings a bottle of whiskey out when he plays. Gets major points for that.

12 Bearded jeans guy
Plays outfield, wears jeans, little else is known. Probably a Willie Nelson fan.

13 Cara Avec C
Another blog favorite, sometimes catches, bad at Street Fighter



That's all I got. Let the shit talking begin. Fun starts Tuesday!

Aw, they're so cute when they're young.

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Short description of problem: Created the blog on Wednesday evening, May, 11th...it was working fine. Then today, I was getting an error message saying it didn't exist. I had about 5 posts, and for some reason today it was saying it didn't exist? Is this something you can help me figure out?

In my dashboard, I can see 2 Bishops Collar blogs, the one I started Wednesday was Bishop's.. with the apostrophe...

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Spotlight on the CCSL Vol. 5

Name: Who the hell knows?

Team: Bishop's Collar

Nipple size: none, removed for health concerns

Fears: thunder, lightning, clean boxers

Favorite drink: appletini

Favorite CCSL player: Adam "Verne" Siebert

Number of CCSL players he knows: 1

Percentage of Adam reacharounds/hook up: 60

Number of fiancees: 1

Number of fiancees that like him: 0

Herpes: cold sores count?

Ethnicity: terrified

Vegas odds to sleep with Phyllis: 4.5:1

Vegas odds to sleep with Buddy: NA, has no idea who anybody is

Current job: Bishop's Collar "blogger"

Current salary: leftover food from the corner of Spencer's mouth

If he were an Archer character he would be: Len Trexler

Favorite sexual position: The Siebert Taco

Finish the sentence: When the rain started, JTF ________ his __________.

Spirit creature: Clyde

Claim to fame: invented the assless chaps

Edventures list number: tbd

CCSL attractiveness ranking: 14

Catch Phrase: That cloud looks ominous

Favorite 1980s wrestler: Bam Bam Bigelow

Congratulations Alice

Alice Kellepregnant, everyone's favorite Forc! 31% of the vote.