Gloves are off!

Well, I had no softball or baseball on a Sunday for the first time since March, so obviously, I'm bored. To handle this, I thought we'd take a look forward to Tuesday. The point of this exercise is tri-fold. First, I'd like to make myself giggle tonight. Secondly, I'd like to give our team a heads up for how Tuesday might play out. Granted, these are tendencies, not exactly what they're going to do. Third, I'd like to get under the skin of the Fart Museum and probably will since they read this blog more than my own team does.

Here's the scouting report for every player on the Fart Museum I can think of, plus a guess at what the lineup might be. Enjoy.


1 Kalif (Khaleef?) something
easily the fastest guy in the league. It's not even close. He will have two hits most likely depending on how his first hit goes. He likes to hit the ball on the ground but has difficulty doing it consistently. If he starts off with a ground out and/or a pop out, he tends to start popping the ball up. Little power deep.

2 Ben (Steroids)
a polished left handed hitter with occasional deep power. He tends to be a linedrive pull hitter but can occasionally hit the left field gap. Generally gap power, no real power to left, deep power to straight away right only.

3 Rice
Could be batting anywhere from 2-5 as with Ray, Kyle, and Darryl. Says he changed his swing this year, last year he hit poorly against us. No power to right field, moderate power to left with a fly ball tendency. Best suited for linedrives up the middle to the right side. Did hit 2 "homeruns" against the Collar, at least one was a misplay by Collar leftfielder.

4 Darryl
Probably the most power on the team. Likes to hit long fly balls but is smart enough to take a single if the team needs it. Knock on that is that he can't do it consistently, sooner or later he will fly out to left center field. Power to all fields, moves his feet well to hit to right field. Could go 4-4 or 0-4 depending on which Darryl shows up. Challenge?

5 Ray
Formerly a flyball pull hitter, changed his approach is now primarily linedrive spray to middle and to the right side. Likes to hit the ball on either side of the second basemen. Has some power, usually declines to show it now. Coaching has made him a smarter hitter. Still a douche.

6 Jeremy
New to the team. Limited scouting on him. Little deep power, but good linedrive gap hitter. Trouble hitting down right field line, but hits to right center well. Generally a gap to gap hitter with little attempts at the lines. May bat 2nd. Often gets himself out with bad pitch selection.

7 Kyle
May bat earlier in the lineup, deep power to right center to left. Inconsistent swing, can hit long flies or pop the ball up to shallow outfield, no power to right, inside out swing that carries the ball, oddly, from left center to center from a right handed bat. Trouble hitting singles when required.

8 Barb
No book on her really. Tends to pull, no power.

9 Second base girl
Always forget her name, haven't seen much of her, plays a good defensive second base I'm told. Book will come out after I watch her swing.

10 Fart Lisa
A blog favorite, solid hitter linedrive to all fields, can beat outfielders that cheat because she's a girl (I think)

11 Whiskey Frank
left handed, mostly pull, not too much power, may not play because he's too drunk. Brings a bottle of whiskey out when he plays. Gets major points for that.

12 Bearded jeans guy
Plays outfield, wears jeans, little else is known. Probably a Willie Nelson fan.

13 Cara Avec C
Another blog favorite, sometimes catches, bad at Street Fighter



That's all I got. Let the shit talking begin. Fun starts Tuesday!