Hoagiefest: Part Ducks

First of all, this post is a week late because I'm busy and you can all go F yourself with your shower nozzle.

Holy mother fucking shit! I think that's the easiest wait to start off this post. So many things to discuss, so little time (yes I do other things, Ed, ass!). Now that I've read both the Pencil and the Fake Collar "blog" I feel I can finally write this. Although, I think I would rather read Phyllis's digits in the Snackbar bathroom 100 times than have to read the fake Collar "blog" again. I thought the "yay"s were tough on the real blog, but crap man, I couldn't fall asleep faster by counting sheep.....jumping over the warts on Kyle Jacobs' vagina. Hey-O!
And on we go!

Just to get it off my chest. I watched "Jon Benjamin has a Van". Disappointed. I also went to Hoagiefest. Disappointed. Our lovely Phyllis, who I adore, put up a great fight and the evening was a spectacular success by all accounts. I mean seriously, I've been in this league for 8 years and even I didn't know half the CCSL players at Hoagiefest. Most were in the Bonaroo Band Circle from the Fleisher but who cares? Hippies need food too. Just not clothing.....hygiene....or any achievable way to make money. The turnout was the absolute best we've ever had at any event ever. Period. And it was all Phyllis's doing. Her boobs helped.
Why was I disappointed? It's easy. I wanted a hoagie, but extinct Commish Ron ate them all. Check the PnP blog on the left. Ron is the culprit. And he died during Prohibition. Unreal.

The Game The Recap

Fordo wrote a very good recap of the game from the side of the losers. Read it. It's tame, but it's good. So, as a winner, I'm going to write a half-assed account of the game from the side of the winners. Why we won? Timely hitting. Why it was close? Untimely defense. "The Lovely Pell" started pitching and our defense and their hitting allowed them to take a 6-0 lead. And, as you can tell, they scored 3 runs the rest of the game while we clawed our way back into the lead. It was 10-9, going into the bottom of the 6th with our bottom coming up. And, we scored a strong 4 runs with hits by our bottom and top to ice it. Good win. The Pencil came to play.

The Good

Fordo got a new crush. We won the game. We played consistent softball the entire game following the 1st inning debacle. Good defense. Timely hitting. Points.

The Bad

If we don't have a strong 6th inning, we maybe lose that game. Verne Siebert started his run of 17 straight line drive outs. Pell threw 14% strikes. Russ is a douche. Marcus didn't swear at anybody. THERE WERE NO FUCKING HOAGIES!

The Franklin Mystique

Perennial medical cadaver Ron, after eating all of the allotted Franklin Hoagies, went over to the Pencil on Edgely 8 and asked Fordo how the game was. Fordo responded, "how the fuck do you think?" MC Ron apparently didn't hear anything and sprinted past Fordo, picked up a quarter of a hoagie that someone had dropped, found a quiet dark corner where he sat eating, hunched over, looking up occasionally to see if anyone was plotting to steal it.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Week

Phyllis
Fleisher Band Circle
Buddy
Pell the Conqueror

Paul Watch

Paul showed up briefly at the game before he was smothered in relish and brown mustard and promptly engulfed by Ron.

NASDAQ Trade of the Week

We traded no hoagies for 35 pizzas. Sigh.

CIALIS Boner of the Week

Hard to give it to him with "boner" in the title and all, but Former Commish Ron forsaking his own game to make sure he got hoagified. On the Franklin, we call that a "Tucker."

Collarblog Syntactical Error of the Week

"and almost immediately we were getting that feeling back that we had against the Zoo"
Not a syntax error, but seriously? You need to get that Zoo feeling back? Aim higher.

Benedict Pickle's Historical Reference of the Week

June 21st, 1946 Bill Veeck purchases the Cleveland Indians for $2.2 million. He then marries Rachel Phelps, an exotic dancer, who tries to get the team to be as bad as possible so she can move the team to Florida. She also get naked cardboard-style.

Wagner's Movie of the Week

Starvation, 1989

Phyllis' Retro Porn Movie of the Week

White Men Can't Hump, 1992

Quotes From the Week

"We don't even get a blog post this week? Lame."
Fordo

"Give money to Phyllis for hoagies. You have to put it down her shirt though."
Nevins

"Ron Hungry! Ron Smash!"

"Look at all the little Fleisher nerds."
La Nice

"Aw, is that Nick's 4th one on one meeting?"

"Busy warming up the leather whip and handcuffs."
La Nice

"Hurry! Phylli's hoo-ha is hanging out the bottom of her dress."
La Nice, again

"Phyllis hasn't seen a wang like that since Beijing."
Mgmt

"That's hard."
Tina

"That girl looks like a gelfling."
Smellia

"That was really a Tucker thing for me to do."
Benedict Pickle

"I wanna be behind Tina."
Buddy

"Get the fuck off the cooler!"
"Balls!"
Mgmt to Tina

"Is that why teach preschool? Because you can't read?"
"No, because I can't add."
Pat to Alyssa

"Use condoms or you could get a rash or the herp."
"Yeah, not using a condom would be a rash decision."
Brett Favre and Pat, followed by a rimshot

"The game's over? We were still talking about how the Nazis died."
Benedict Pickle

"Were you talking about Nazis?"
Pell

"Fordo, do you know who went to get pizza?"
"Well, you're here. And Nick's there..............Nevins!"
Mgmt to Fordo

"Why does my blog suck so badly."
JTF

"Let's see if I can light this and hail some aliens."
Colach before burning off his eyelids

"From those of us who did not get a hoagie, "Thanks for making sure everone enjoyed Hoagiefest, Nick!""
Mickelberg

"My fallopian tubes are itchy."
Benson

"I'm a dick who's gonna move away from the CCSL."
Blonde Benson

"I hate this team."
Marcus

"Ha ha, I love this team!"
Lynch