Week Something Recap: The Fart Museum

And yes, it was the most exciting game of our season by far. And yes, I won it. Me. I did. Me. On a game winning homerun in the 8th. And....that's the last I'll mention it. Me. Its funny that you can play like complete horseshit the whole game and then get the chance at redemption in the 8th. That's the beauty of this game and why we love it so much. It's also really nice to see that the team can not play to its potential, its shortstop can make 3 errors, we can go 6 innings with no bounces going our way and all of them going the other way, and then still win the game. We may not lose again this year.

Recap

A rare fun, competitive game between our teams with no controversial calls, no inter-team shit-talking, and no animosity. Probably because Ray wasn't there. 10-9 in 8 innings. Another nail biter. We lined out to infielders so much. I've never seen so many hard hit linedrive outs. 3 to Fart Lisa, 2 to Jeremy at 3rd, 1 to Giulio at 1st, 1 to Ryce. And that's what I remember, there may have been more but that's 1/3 of our outs. Weird. But there it was down 9-4 after 5. We scored 2 in the 6th and then the fun began. 9-6 going into the bottom of the 7th. Need 3 to tie. Bottom of the lineup. All seemed lost. Then, the softball gods who turned their backs on us in the first meeting, shined down upon the Force. And this, friends, is where we won the game. The next inning was just "gravy on the cake." I don't have the book but this is what I remember. Chris Marino, led off with a ground ball to 1st, bobbled, 1 on 0 outs. Candy, single to left, ran for her with Pell. Chris, single to right, Pell prances past 2nd but the ball gets away from Ryce so she's not tagged out....fortunately. Matty, single to left, bases loaded 0 outs. Leslie grounds into a force at 2nd Matty out, throw goes past 1st and Chris scores, 1st and 3rd 1 out, down 1 run. Ed grounds to Barb who throws past 1st base who wasn't paying attention, Leslie goes to 3rd. 1st and 3rd, 1 out. Gonzo runs for Ed. Renardo flies out. 2 outs, tying run at 3rd. Nick. Oh, Nicholas. With all the demons from the previous game on the line. Tying run at 3rd, bottom of the 7th, 2 outs.....and just when you think he couldn't do anything more stupid, he doubles to left and TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF! And he gets 40 miles to the gallon on that hog. Game tied. 2nd and 3rd. Verne Siebert at the dish. Chance to win it. Grounds to Ryce who backhands it without realizing it and throws him out by a scosche (sp?). Top 8. Bottom to top of lineup. 1st batter "singles" past me. Awesome. 2nd hitter grounds to Candy, Runner on 2nd 1 out. Barb ground out to me. Runner on 2nd 2 outs. Jeremy singles to left and with the runner holding at 3rd, gets thrown out trying to Nevins that single into a double. 0 runs. Bottom 8. And you know the rest. 10-9, taking the W from the jaws of defeat.

The Good

No such thing as a bad win in CCSL. Dropped the Fart Museum into a tie with us at 7-2 although they have the tie breaker by a run. Nearly guarantees that we'll be in the playoffs. As above, hitting in the 7th inning was nothing short of special. Matty looked like the Matty of old. Memorial Nick exorcised the demons. The Management got redemption for sucking for 6 innings. Candy looked rejuvenated at the plate, carving up the left side of the defense. Leslie and Pell showed off the sexy legs. Game was exciting and fun and you know its a good time when you leave the field covered in Pabst.

The Bad

I won't be making 3 errors or whatever they were again. I'll take my yearly mulligan. Hitting. Tough hitting, hard to say its our fault but more of a tip of the cap to their defense. Stellar plays out of Fart Lisa and Darryl. Verne and the Management went 1-6 for the first 5 frames and ended up 2-8 in the 3-4 holes. Not going to get it done. Fortunate. Threw the ball around. Correction. I threw the ball around. Ugh. Gave them easily 4 of those 9 runs. Ryce says they gave us runs too, which I'm sure they did, but really only gave us 1 in the 7th that cost them.
Got doubled off at 1st by Fart Lisa. That was bad. Also, MMN wasn't able to get a lot of people into the game and feels bad about it. Nature of the beast. Apologies to those who didn't get in.

The Franklin Mystique

After the game, Ryce came up to MMN and the Management and said, "Wow. What a game! I can't get over it, that was a ball-crushing defeat." At this MMN turned and said, "what would you know about balls?" "Well, I know they may be grape-sized but I know that even if they were basketball-sized, I would still catch more of them than your shortstop." Well played Mauer.

Lumber Liquidator Studs of the Week

in order
Candy
Pell (WP!)
Chris
Matty
Leslie
Ed
Gonzo
Black Marino
MMN

Also, Debbie for the sweet pics.

NASDAQ Trade of the Week

During the weeks in between Fart games, The Franklin Institute traded in an unclutch lineup for one that actually wins games. We promised to give up a significant part of the large stick that is up Vellia's ass.

Paul Watch

With all the excitement and media presence following the win, no one noticed that a hulking figure wearing 65% of a normal shirt walked slowly through the outfield using the typical knuckle-walking common to gorillas.

CIALIS Boner of the Week

I've already ripped myself enough so I'll give it Jeremy for getting thrown out at second with the go ahead run on 3rd. Honorable mention to MMN getting doubled up and Pete not tagging on 3rd and then getting doubled off at the plate.
ADDITION Jeremy would like to suggest that Kyle Jacobs gets the nod for not sending Julio at 3rd on that same play. Fight it out in the comment section.

Collarblog Syntactical Error of the Week
"Foreshadowed by the return of John 'CHOP' George, making his 2011 debut, this game against the Zoo will go down as one of the greatest wins in Collar history." Not really foreshadowing.
CORRECTION Apparently, CHOP had the game winning RBI so this is a correct usage of foreshadowing. Apologies to Flynn, the Collar, and anyone else harmed by this egregious accusation.

Benedict Pickle's Historical Reference of the Week

June 7th, 1954 1st microbiology laboratory dedicated, New Brunswick, New Jersey. Yup. Microbiology. Go school!

Wagner's Movie of the Week

Sabrina, 1995

Phyllis' Retro Porn Movie of the Week

Bi-Tanic, 2001

Quotes from the Week

"Congratulations on the win, how many errors did you have again?"
Kyle Jacobs

"I heard you tell Candy where to pitch me."
"Do you think she has that good control?"
Jeremy and The Mgmt

"Of course he knows the cab driver."
Mgmt of Ryce

"I'd like to see the videogram of that."
Ryce

"This blog better be lurid."
Ed

"I just hit the game-winning hit! I can't wait to get Phyllis-latio!"

"Nick said you had been arrested, seemed reasonable."
Ed

"You know Marcus' stories are not bullshit because he doesn't get laid at the end."
Marcus

"Soon is very relevant."
Ed

"The best part's the middle. That's the part you lick."
Timmeh

"I got them scared for their children."
Alyssa

"Sucks that the Zoo blew that lead for us."
"Yeah a Collar loss would have been nice."
"Nice? Nice? It would have pulled my dick out of the fire."
Fordo

"I only eat organic foods."
"Do you have ANY idea what that even means besides prententious?"
NTBD

"No, I'm home. I'm exhausted from being up all night drinking."
Phyllis, feel free to insert any other verb for drinking

"I got a hit!"
Good for you, Taint

"Ray won't be here because he's recovering from his surgical 'stonesectomy'"
Some Farter

"Will you watch my dog? Phyllis and I have to go to a kissing and fornication retreat."
La Nice

"Oh, look who's not sandy anymore?"
My stupid fiancee

"There was a cute girl on our bench and I didn't see her for 5 innings?"
"Yeah, you were in a dark place there."
Mgmt and Matty

"I miss my wife."
"We all do, Pete."

"I love you Ryan! You won the game and you are sexy and gorgeous and your penis must be the size of an Olympic size javelin."
-Kate Beckinsale

"It's Guilio, not Julio, douche!"
Julio

"I hate the fact that I put up a picture of my stupid fat ass."
Stupid fat ass

"Thanks for the poll! I vote for Mars landscape."
Buddy

"Where's Mary?"
"Anthrax production convention."
Buddy

"So here's my number and the address for the women's shelter where I'm either volunteering or dropping off my stupid whore wife."
American Dad, sorry, it was on and I laughed out loud

"Hey, Ryan, do you want to go Green Lantern?"
"Hells yeah, when? It's gonna be awful, but I'll go."
"Oh, I meant that as a joke. Cause you like those movies."
"Oh, so we're not gonna go?"
Somebody and the Mgmt, I wish I remember who. It was rather mean.

"My gift to Pell this week since she scored a crucial run AND was the winning pitcher is not to mention her crippling racism and Nazism leanings."

"Listen, I know it was a good hit and there's a chance I'm gonna score, but if I were in the outfield, I would have busted my ass so hard to make sure that an asshole like me doesn't get a walkoff HR. Yeah, he may get to 3rd, and he'll probably score on the next pitch, but THAT asshole doesn't get to win it!"
"I know! That's why I threw the ball at your head after you scored."
Mgmt and Ryce



OH and one more thing. Cara with a C got into grad school and leaves for England soon. This blog loves her, and will miss her, and even though she sucks at Street Fighter, apparently she's good at arting. Wish her the best and give her a good CCSL send off....with lots of criticism, personally offensive remarks, and drunken abuse. Good times. Satan bless you AvecC!